DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have not been in love for 17 years and swore off women completely, except for sex buddies. Why? I had a broken heart at 18, a new woman, a shotgun marriage, a kid and then she left me for a guy who "wasn't boring." I rarely am allowed to see my child. She is in high school and they live in a small town far away. Then in March this woman entered my life via the Internet. We have met and she is everything I could ever want, except she wants crazy sex. To her, it is normal. To me, it is nuts. She wants to play games with bondage and costumes and I'm just a boring guy, as my first wife pointed out. I am a banker, for God's sake. I make magic with money. I would walk away except I feel alive again for the first time in 17 years and I really, really like her. I haven't tried any of this stuff because I think I'd burst out laughing. It's so stupid. How can I be something I'm not? -- To Be or Not To Be, Winnipeg
Dear To Be: How can you walk away from someone you really like -- with a potential for love -- without even trying these things she likes in the bedroom? Ask her the question, "What will happen if I laugh? Will you be devastated?" You might be surprised with her answer. You might actually have a lot of fun while you try different things to find modes that both of you like and there will be times when you both break out laughing. There is much to experiment with, if she is willing to be the leader. It sounds like she has some experience in this and other fantasies she wants to explore and would probably be fine teaching you the ropes.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I had a baby when we were very young, and she chose to give it up for adoption. We were in our teens at the time and got married eight years later. In retrospect it seems we should have kept our baby since we stayed together, but we were so young and we both wanted to got to university and have careers, which we do now. We have never had another baby because my wife felt it would be somehow an insult to the first baby we gave up, to "selfishly" to go on and have other babies together, when it was finally convenient. The thing is, unfortunately for our marriage, I long for children now. I really want a family. Not having kids isn't going to bring this first baby back faster. She is hoping he will get in touch when he is 18 through the register, where he could find out our names. What can I say to my wife? Help please. -- Had a Sad Fathers' Day, Winnipeg
Dear Sad: Explain to your wife how you will explain to your first "baby" about being teenagers when you conceived him and not mature enough to take on the roles of parents. Hopefully he had a loving home and consider the people who raised him his real mom and dad. He might be delighted to meet brothers and sisters if you were to have children now. If that doesn't work, insist on counselling over this issue, to see if your wife might better understand her feelings, forgive herself and allow herself to have a future with new children in it. This is a major issue in your marriage and should be given the respect and the work it deserves for both your sakes, before the resentment and pressure causes a big explosion.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6