Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Go ahead and shave the fur, strap on a leash and have a ball

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm married to a furry -- a totally sane person who likes to dress as a walking, talking human-like animal, much like you'd see in Disney stuff, or a mascot. But now my husband has gotten too much into the sexual side of it and has become so fetishistic he almost can't enjoy sex without costumes. That's way too much for me. I just like being a human-like animal -- playing in cute fur-suit costumes -- once in a while. We're not "out" as part of the Winnipeg furry scene. We play at home and find big Halloween parties to go to every year, dressed up in our favourite animal costumes. This Halloween, we will go out to a party costumed in our outfits (yawn), then go home and have wild sex for him. It's boring for me now!

To tell the truth, I'm off on a different sexual tangent, in secret. We went to the fetish Halloween Ball last year and I felt a much bigger interest in the S&M community while there. I want to go to The Ball fetish party on Oct. 26 badly and I want to go in a love-slave costume with a real collar and chain and (fake) tattoos. If I have to, I will go on my own, but what does it mean for our relationship? Will there be hell to pay? -- Love My Husband Underneath, Winnipeg

Dear Love: Be truthful and tell your husband you need him to take turns this year. Ask him to come along with you on a bold new fetish adventure. You don't need to accentuate the boredom you feel to get your way, but describe your new interest in enthusiastic detail. Let him know accommodating your fetish does not mean you will never humour his furry fetish again. Why? Because you love each other.

For him, public furry display can only happen at Halloween -- his big chance to get out in disguise in "public." So humour him this way, when you go to The Ball this year, but keep your eyes open at the expo tables where people sell costuming, toys and accessories for other activities you want to try. During the winter holiday season, or later for Valentine's Day, you could attend a ball together as a master-and-slave combo. The Ball happens regularly at Ozzy's. Find info at www.theball.ca.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: For the last three years this guy has been coming into my work and we always look at each other and have these ridiculous smiles on our faces. On Thursday, I finally had enough, and I left a note on his car saying who I was and that he should call or text me. Days later, I still haven't heard anything, How long is an appropriate time to wait, or should I just forget about it because he's not going to call? -- Left a Note, Winnipeg

Dear Note: If he were going to answer in either of those quick ways -- phoning or texting -- he'd have done it by now. Chances are the man has a girlfriend/fianceé/wife, but he also has a big, fat crush on you. As long as it was just heavy flirtation when he saw you, he was in the clear -- it was not really cheating in his mind. Now you have called him on it and he doesn't know what to say.

The next time he comes into your work, take him aside and ask him to his face if he got your note and why he didn't respond. You need this over and dealt with, no matter how embarrassing it is for a few minutes. If he backs off, you can save face for both of you by smiling and saying, "Well, it was flattering for a time anyway."

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm writing in response to Farmer Boy. I am also a single person, in my early 30s, living outside the city. I've dated one or two men who lived inside city limits and broken it off shortly after I realized they would never be willing to move outside the Perimeter, as I've always known I couldn't live in the city. One thing I've started doing is making sure my country upbringing and "small town" lifestyle is known right from the start, as that's a part of who I am.

Relationships consist of compromise, and it sounds to me like this is one topic neither one of you are willing to budge on. You two are definitely not as compatible as you thought. Why would you want to be with someone who was untruthful about enjoying the rural life, knowing that it was important to you? As much as it would hurt, a clean break would be best for both of you. And just know there are some good ole' single country girls out there! You just gotta know where to look. -- Country Girl, South of the Perimeter

Dear Country Girl: There are some definite deal-breakers for relationships and the question of rural or country living can be one. Unless you're a Town & Country Mouse combined, it's hard to adapt. City people can feel lost, lonely and bored in the country and country people can feel cold, overwhelmed and lonely for familiar faces in everyday life. Where you live offers different kinds of comfort and solace, and you simply need what you need. Some people need sights to see, shopping, hustle bustle and people going by, while others need lakes, trees and fields of waving grain.

Getting involved in rural causes is a good way to meet people who love the country. Like-minded people with a purpose tend to meet and connect at a deeper level. Checking out rural folks in bars doesn't turn up much as the numbers are too small and the demographic is often too old, and too married! Curling and golfing are good ways to meet rural people, too. In the winter you can travel for bonspiels. Ditto for golf tournaments, starting next spring. Online dating services often have ways for rural people to find each other, too, so try that as it gets colder and you're indoors more.

ovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition October 19, 2013 G4

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