Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Good idea to leave town to escape ex-girlfriend

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My best friend is getting married to my ex-girlfriend. I was in a serious relationship with her for a year. We still remained friends, and for a while we had a "friends with benefits" thing going on. I feel like all my relationships, since breaking up with her, have not worked out because I still love her. I recently expressed my feelings for her. She told me that she didn't love me the same way I love her. I told my best friend that I still had feelings for my ex (his bride-to-be), but I promised I would never get in the middle of them.

My ex just told me that she was having doubts about the wedding and how she might be marrying the wrong guy. At first, I was wary of my best friend dating my ex, because of his well-known past of being kind of a womanizer, although now I feel like he is a changed man since he has been with her. I plan on moving out of town after the wedding, I just don't see any other way of my feelings not getting in the way of their relationship. -- Running Out of Options, Winnipeg

Dear Running Out of Options: This treacherous woman needs to be out of your life. You aren't her No. 1 choice and neither is the groom-to-be. If there were only two guys left in this world in the same town, you might have a chance at her again. But there are lots of other men in the world and your ex is really looking for a new guy behind door No. 3, and she doesn't realize it.

Are you planning to go to the wedding, if it comes off? Please say you're not in the wedding party. If you are, tell your buddy why you can't put yourself through that torture. And the moving-out-of-town idea? Smart move, if you can get decent work elsewhere. What are you waiting for? Dust off that resumé and start looking. By the way, if this guy is really your best friend, you owe it to him to say she's having doubts he's the right guy, either.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently found out that my dad has been carrying on a one-year affair on my stepmom. She recently caught him in a lie and the truth came out. Needless to say, my stepmom is devastated, as they've been together for over 20 years. My sisters and I are very upset with our dad, considering how much our stepmom dotes on him, and they have had a loving and caring relationship up until now. We care about her a great deal.

This isn't my dad's first time at infidelity. His affairs are what broke up his marriage to our mom many years ago. Of course we love our dad but we are all so furious with him right now. We don't know what to do. Should we leave my dad and stepmom alone for a while to sort this out? Or contact our stepmom every few days to offer support? Or tell our dad what a jerk he's being? We just don't know what to do. Any advice you could offer would be appreciated. -- Sad for Stepmom, Winnipeg

Dear Sad: This is not a time to get angry at anyone, even if you feel it. If you feel like you and your sisters can speak with your dad, suggest he get counselling, especially considering the fact that he and his wife have a loving relationship. It's interesting that he messed up a good relationship. Was it good with your mother also? If that's the case, he has a problem that's repeating itself, and he needs to deal with it. As long as your stepmom understands he's getting help, it will be all the support she needs for the moment. It won't be helpful for you to take sides or shame your stepmom for still wanting him. You don't want to make it impossible for them to get back together. You can express your feelings of disappointment without calling him names. Stress that you hope the two of them will work it out and that he will learn to change his ways.

 

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 22, 2014 C4

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