DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This is embarrassing. Basically, I'm a serial cheater. I can't say no to men. I love the attention they give me and I enjoy new excitement, but also feel uncomfortable and sick about it. I don't like doing it, but at the same time I can't say no, and I go back for more. I'm very happy in my long relationship. There are a few things like sex, and sometimes going out and letting loose/having fun, that we don't do that often, but then there are so many wonderful things that surpass that.
I want to be his wife and have his children. I want to grow old with him and be completely committed to him, but the second someone takes interest in me and I'm attracted back, I go cheat. Why am I doing this? I have done it a lot and feel dirty inside and out. I can't stop. What can I do? -- Confused About Myself, Winnipeg
Dear Confused: You are describing a warm and wonderful friendship with your present long-term man friend. Sex is not a significant part of the relationship, but it should be if you want a real marriage that will last. That combo of great sex and a deep friendship can sustain a family with children. People who cheat regularly like you do tend to get caught sooner or later, and then the whole family situation blows apart. Sometimes, the cheater is allowed to stay and gets treated like a second-rate person forever.
Why do you remain? This relationship is not satisfying to you -- your ego is constantly bruised because you're not desired much, so you're bowled over when a man finds you attractive and pays you attention. In another relationship you would have friendship plus sexual excitement and the feeling of being attractive to your partner. You need a new partner with a high sex drive and a loving, friendly personality. Right now you only have half of a relationship.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just met a beautiful woman on a long airplane ride and we had a wonderful time. We talked and had a drink and talked some more. She is married and so am I, but at the end we were holding hands and it was a natural, yet magical, feeling. We kissed goodbye. I will probably never see her again (I don't even know her last name). I don't think that what we did was so wrong and I will always treasure the connection and that memory. Should I tell my wife? -- Not Sorry, River Heights
Dear Not Sorry: There are many soulmates for all of us in this world. If you moved to another country, you'd find someone wonderful in that country as well as the one you left behind. This may have been one of your many possible soulmates. It's good you let each other go as elegantly as you did. Don't fool yourself that your wife will want to hear about your delightful experience.
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