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Have to stop gossip by coming clean

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a short man with a small build who has fallen in love with a tall, large-boned woman. I should say I'm not short and small in all ways! We work together and have formed a secret union -- or so we thought. No one had ever seen us together. We are always in bed or cooking up great meals, either at her house or mine, and we both live far from work.

My secret love thought we were getting away with this, until some jealous jerk with no social life, said to her, "So how's it going with Pee Wee?" My girlfriend is tough like Melissa McCarthy, and shot right back: "There's nothing tiny about him, and he's more of a man than you'll ever be!" This was not her smartest move -- although I love her for it -- because now people are looking at me funny and I know they know.

So we're caught. Now what do we do -- talk to the boss or try to keep a low profile? We're both single, but our boss is old-school about work affairs. -- Hardly a Pee Wee, Winnipeg

 

Dear Hardly: If the place is small, the boss may already know. In that case, you may as well stay late and have a chat about it and assure him or her you love each other, plan never to break up and you won't let it interfere with work. If the place is big, and it's just your department gossiping, you might be able to corral it.

Most relationships are made at work these days because people of both sexes work so much together and feelings can develop. Other couples must have formed within those walls. How did they work it out? Usually bosses prefer a happy stable relationship to an affair between married people or a couple of employees getting it on together in the stockroom after hours. If you were an old-school boss would you want to know? Readers who have experience and/or an opinion to share on the dilemma, please write in with your ideas.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a big decision to make. I was married to a doctor, but after his affair came to light, we got divorced. He married the other woman, but my kids tell me she just moved out to an apartment and now they're getting divorced.

Last night about 10 p.m., the phone rang and it was her. My enemy called me to ask if we could have a talk about the "tower of arrogance" we were both married to. I told her she had caused myself and my kids a lot of pain and our home broke up because of her. She said, "I just want you to know he chased me for two years first. I didn't go after him." I said she was still at fault for our family breakup because she knew he was married with children. She said quietly she was "very, very sorry."

I said I'd have to think about talking to her. Should I meet her? I admit I'm curious and have a lot of questions, but will it just resurrect a lot of pain? -- Undecided, Winnipeg

 

Dear Undecided: Forget "should." It's not a matter of whether it's a smart plan or not, it's a matter of whether you can help yourself, or if you would even want to. This is a life drama -- your life drama -- and opening this chapter could answer a lot of upsetting questions you have lived with in your head. Yes, it might make you upset for a time, but it might also give you a feeling of vindication. She likely discovered all the faults and annoyances you suffered with him -- people rarely change much.

Sometimes two exes find they have a lot in common as it was his taste that chose both of you. Consider this: If you don't talk to her, you'll waste a lot of time wondering what you would have found out.

 

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition January 26, 2014 A15

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