Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

He may be a father but he sure ain't a dad

  • Print

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I wrote you recently about my dad being a young father and how he has a new wife and kids, but has forgotten about me -- his first child. Well, I took your advice. I gave him a call, told him I missed him very much and asked to go out for lunch. We were supposed to go last weekend but Saturday night he texted me saying he was "sick" and couldn't do lunch, so we rescheduled for the next weekend. I waited around all weekend -- no text or call. I'm very hurt and upset that a father could do this to his own child! I really wanted a relationship with my dad, but now it seems like he doesn't care for me at all. I'm just getting sick of his choosing his new family over me. He was MY dad first. Don't I get to decide if I want to share him ? I may sound selfish, but that's just how I feel. Should I just forget about my deadbeat dad, or should I keep trying ? Please help me! -- Hurt Daughter, Winnipeg

Dear Hurt: I think it's time now to look for a substitute dad. You have tried everything you could try, and this man, who is unworthy of the name Dad, has not responded. Do you have an uncle or grandfather who would appreciate the love and attention you have tried to show your deadbeat dad? "Dad" is a role. Your dad is not fulfilling that role with you. Therefore he is a bio-dad, but not a real, participating father. He's no longer deserving of your trying to engage him. It's time you started slowly and casually looking at a replacement in someone else, or just letting it be. Frankly, he's being a jerk and it makes me angry, as an adult and mom, that this has happened. My deepest apologies from the good parents of the world. One thing you can do for a happy future? Make sure you marry a solid family guy who will be a great husband to you and father to your children one day. Note: He does not have to be older than you, just mature for his years, steady and loving.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hate what I have become. I used to be a trusting, loving, happy-go-lucky guy who happened to be gay. Then along came my nemesis -- a lying, cheating heartbreaker who pretended to be like me but was actually a scorpion underneath. After he was through with my heart, it was full of holes. Now I have become a suspicious, unloving, uptight man always looking out for No. 1. I don't get hurt anymore, but I don't fall in love anymore. I have lots of money, a house, a cottage and my choice of partners if I want one. But I am deeply unhappy. What can I do? Where should I go? I don't want to be lonely like this anymore. -- No Love In My Good Life, Osborne Village

Dear No Love: The scorpion not only stung you and wounded you badly while he was with you, he continues being part of your brain, through negative thoughts and beliefs. You need reprogramming back to the guy you were before. You will never be as trusting, and that's good, to an extent. But you can get back to giving new people the benefit of the doubt while proceeding slowly to know the character under their personality. What you need is the best psychologist you can find who is gay or gay-friendly and understands the whole scene here. Cancel your casual sex/love life for a month and go intensively for sessions and then gradually start seeing people again, while still having the shrink as your coach. You have memory of what it was like to be the man you enjoyed being before this trauma. You can get back to it.

Email lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 13, 2013 G4

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes

    No

  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on winnipegfreepress.com. You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.

letters

Make text: Larger | Smaller

LATEST VIDEO

O'Shea says the team is going to stick to the plan after first loss

View more like this

Photo Store Gallery

  • A nesting goose sits on the roof of GoodLife Fitness at 143 Nature Way near Kenaston as the morning sun comes up Wednesday morning- See Bryksa’s Goose a Day Photo- Day 07- Web crop-May 09, 2012   (JOE BRYKSA / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS)
  • Two Canada geese fly Wednesday afternoon at Oak Hammock Marsh- Front bird is banded for identification- Goose Challenge Day 3- - Apr 30, 2012   (JOE BRYKSA / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS)

View More Gallery Photos

Poll

What's your take on a report that shows violent crime is decreasing in Winnipeg?

View Results

View Related Story

Ads by Google