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How would you feel if your husband got 'a card'?

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went to a concert the other night and saw a man sitting two rows over that I once had a fling with at an outdoor country music festival. We were drunk and stoned and did things as strangers that I've never done before or since. I could never forget the profile of his face, which was very unusual. He'd lost some hair but I still recognized that strong nose, sensual mouth and big chin. I lagged behind as we were leaving and said a pointed hello to him plus the nickname I gave to a certain part of his anatomy on that crazy weekend (he went back home to his girlfriend and I went home to my boyfriend and married him). We never saw each other again, until the concert this week. He looked startled and then we both started to laugh. As he walked by me he slipped his business card into coat pocket. I don't know what to do. Wasn't that an invitation? Don't they say you'll always regret the opportunities you missed in life? -- Dying To Phone Him, Winnipeg

Dear Dying: Yes, it was an invitation and you're going to do what you're going to do, without my permission. Just ask yourself this: If your husband had a crazy sex weekend years ago and met up with the woman when he was with you -- and she slipped him the card -- would you want him to call her? As for how great the sex would be with this guy now, you're both clearly with other people and you're not in a festival situation. Let's look into my crystal ball... you meet this guy for a drink and talk about the crazy chance of meeting up again and then you talk about the wild weekend at the country music festival -- and then what? It's winter time; it's freezing. Neither one of you has your own place and you're not drunk and/or stoned like you were at the festival. There is no music blaring. The whole background to the previous drama is gone and you're two people looking at each other and remembering a wild time when you were young. Maybe you should just laugh and go home. Renting a hotel would feel pretty awkward.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am 21. I went out with this beautiful girl and we had a lot of drinks and sex on the very first night, which was fine with me, but we have gone out five or six more times since and I don't even get a kiss. What is going on? Does she think I'm a lousy lover but she likes me to spend money on her or does she think we did it too soon and now she's trying to backtrack so I'll respect her? -- So Confused. St. James

Dear Confused: You're going to have to ask her outright! She's the only one who knows the answer and guessing isn't working. If you are an inadequate or awkward lover (for her needs), you need to find out if she's willing to tutor you in the things that would please her. Tell her, with a wink, you're a fast learner. Don't be humble and pathetic about it. If she thinks you had sex too soon, ask her why there's absolutely no affection now? If you find out you've been demoted to a platonic friend who pays for outings, you may want to put your wallet back in your pants and stop taking her out for dinner. No point hanging around if you're attracted and she's just using you!

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 5, 2012 C4

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