DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband came home from a conference in another city with a whole new bag of tricks. He's so stupid he doesn't even know he's using new and different expressions in the bedroom, and he's suddenly open to kinky experiments, when he wasn't before. Plus there's a paper trail this time. He has cheated before, but has stopped covering his tracks.
When I asked him where he got all this new sex stuff, he said, "Um, I read it in a book." Here's the thing: I'm not really hurting because I don't love this guy anymore and the kids are grown up and gone. I do want to stay with him for a few more years when we can split a lot more money and I'll leave here for a nicer climate. What I am really worried about is getting a sexually transmitted infection from him now. Should I make a fuss about his cheating so he's doubly sure to wear condoms, or should I suggest an open marriage? He is actually the jealous type. -- Know What's Up, South End
Dear Know: If you're mining for divorce gold, his guilt and remorse will get you more money than his anger by a long shot. But maximum money isn't everything in a divorce. Instead of playing dirty over a long period of time, why not play it smart over a short period? First, stop having sex with your husband on any excuse and see a doctor for STI testing. Quietly find yourself an excellent divorce lawyer and accountant not connected to your husband or any of his buddies. Make a plan ahead of time with these professionals, decide where you're going to live, expose the cheating and go for the divorce according to the timing and procedures they lay out. Playing dirty, drawn-out games demeans both of you. Recognize that your time, self-respect and reputation are worth a lot in mid-life and beyond.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a weightlifter and I'm told my body is still very young-looking by women where I work out. My face does not match my body, though. I spent too much time in tanning beds and in the sun, and I have the wrinkled skin of a guy about 15 years older than my age, which is 42. I know this because I asked three women to guess my age at the gym, and they all guessed middle to late 50s. My doctor recently told me I was at high risk for skin cancer, so I had to quit tanning. Now I have wrinkled, untanned skin, which is worse.
What do women think of men getting facelifts or laser jobs? I would like to hear from you and your female readers. I don't care what guys think. By the way, I recently got separated and am 100 per cent getting a divorce. It's done. Now my life is about me for a freakin' change. -- Facelift or What? Winnipeg
Dear Facelift or What: There are good and bad facelifts and laser work. Most people are aware of the bad facelifts done on certain movie and singing stars. If too much is taken away from the jawline, a woman looks more like a pixie and a man looks more like a woman. We usually don't know when we're looking at the good work, unless we have inside knowledge it was done. (Good eye surgery for upper and lower bags can go by largely unnoticed, except the person looks rested and happier.)
It's not so much what women think of your look -- do it for yourself and your feeling of confidence. But if you do anything, be the wisest consumer you can be, because people stand to make a lot of money out of you.
In your case, you're worried about the leathery texture of your skin as much as the sag. See a number of plastic surgeons and dermatologists and ask to be educated on all procedures that might apply to your problems. Insist on seeing photos of work they have done on other men. Photos aren't always easy to get, as not too many people are willing to have them shown, especially in a city this size. If you're going to go the non-surgical route, here's a helpful article on lasers to get you started on your research: allure.com/skin-care/2013/how-laser-treatments-fix-skin-problems.
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