Dear Miss Lonleyhearts: I hate the forced feeling of Valentine's Day gifts and cards, but I do it because I don't want my girlfriend to go without when every other girl at her work gets honoured. This year I want to do something different for her at home so I was thinking I'd write her a crazy poem. I'm an athlete, not a poet BUT I thought I'd just write down whatever came into my head on a piece of paper and stick it in the card. I made the mistake of telling my sister and now she wants to see it and doctor it up. I think it should be completely original, not fixed up to look like a piece of art. What do you think? -- Principled Poet
Dear Principled: There's charm in an unpolished poem. Just be sure to look at the poem a second time to see if it contains anything that's unintentionally insulting like "I even like the way your behind jiggles when you walk." You know, the kind of thing a guy might think, but shouldn't say. If it's devoid of any of those unfortunate funnies that could spoil the whole thing, you're good to go. Stack the poem full of nice compliments and err on the side of mush, and this could be your smartest gift idea in years.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I want to send this bouquet of flowers to a girl I like at work as a secret surprise. Is it a good idea? I don't think she knows I like her. I would never let on it was me. What do you think? My best friend who is a girl says it's creepy. -- Not Sure, North End
Dear Not Sure: It is not really fun to get flowers from a secret admirer and wonder if he or she is staring at you at work for your reaction. If you want to get something started with this girl, befriend her at first and work into deeper friendship outside of work if it's going well. The secret flowers thing is a little bit creepy for most people, although the odd person likes it as an ego boost.
Please send your questions or comments c/o email@example.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg R2X 3B6