Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

It was 'just' sex to him; he doesn't want you around

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm in love with a guy in a band in Winnipeg. I know he would love me too, if he'd just give me another chance. I slept with him twice after the bar, but when I started waiting for him after his gigs, he turned cold on me. Last weekend I followed him home with my car and he came over and motioned for me to roll down the window. He said he had a girlfriend already and he was going to her house and I should get lost and never come to any of his gigs or try to meet up with him afterwards. Why? "Because it would hurt her feelings if she knew." What about MY feelings? I gave him all my love. I go to his every gig in Winnipeg. And, I gave him the best (sex) he ever had in his life. He cheated on her to be with me, so he isn't as devoted as he says. I think I know who she is. I see her at the bar. I am so in love with him. Music is my life. What should I do now? Should I tell her what he's really like? -- Crazy For Him, Winnipeg


Dear Crazy: You only want to tell his girlfriend to hurt her and try to get him away from her. Leave her alone. Instead, take 15 giant steps backwards. Get out of this musician's bar gigs before you get thrown out by security! Look, you don't have any relationship with him. You gave him sex twice, but he didn't know you, so for him it was sport. You may have given it your best shot, but if he gets propositioned by women a lot, he will have had other groupies who have, too. No big deal to him. Great sex isn't going to turn into love when he doesn't even know you as a person. And now you've creeped him out by following him home like a stalker. Don't let it happen again. He has warned you off, and stalking is against the law. You can take comfort in this, though. It is not love on your side either, just a crush on a guy who may be doing what you'd like to do since you say music is your life. This summer, buy yourself a second-hand guitar, take some lessons, and get your band going so you can BE what you love, instead of worshipping someone who is actually doing it.


Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My older boyfriend is away a lot -- he's 32 and I'm 24. Last weekend he came back from up north, and said something that I don't get. He told me, "It's OK if you occasionally date other people because I am not around enough for a young woman like you. Just don't fall in love with somebody else." What does that mean? He's encouraging me to see other people? I don't get it. He says he still loves me and might want to marry me one day. I feel very suspicious. Why would he not be jealous? -- Confused by his Generosity, Winnipeg


Dear Confused: Generosity, my foot! This was his sneaky way of telling you things have loosened up for him on his end and he's already seeing other people. He just wants permission, by giving you permission. If you are gullible enough to go for this deal and start dating other men, he doesn't have to feel any guilt for what he's already doing when he's away. Dump him and take him up on the idea of seeing other people. Telling you he might want to marry you one day was a way of hedging his bets and keeping you emotionally tied, while he fools around on his trips.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition April 25, 2013 C2

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