Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Jerk needs help with plans for self-improvement in 2014

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm drunk. It's only been three days since my New Year's resolutions to quit drinking, gambling and womanizing. I can feel it won't be long until I'm back at a West End bar chasing women again.

I am a married man. I don't like myself very much. When I get to drinking, my willpower goes out the window. I haven't gone back to gambling yet, but I miss it big time. My wife deserves someone better than a jerk like me, but she seems to still love me -- don't ask me why. Please help me. -- Hopeless Jerk of a Husband, Winnipeg

 

Dear Husband: Resolutions alone aren't a strong enough fix for your difficult set of problems. It's like putting bandages on a broken leg and hoping for the best. You need substantial help from people who understand the complex nature of your addictions and can help you do a re-set physically and mentally. That means making a call to Gamblers Anonymous (204-582-4823) for a list of meetings and/or contact by a member. Also get in touch with the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba (204-944-6200) to make an appointment for an assessment about your drinking. It's important to see how far down the road you have gone, as a lot of drinkers really don't know. The AFM will help you assess what needs to be done, from rehab to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings to psychological help and family counselling.

As for cheating on your wife, you probably feel guilty about how you behave outside the house and then go home and ignore her or treat her badly so she gets angry -- that way you don't have to connect intimately. You may also be worried about passing on diseases from casual sex with other women. It's time to have a heart-to-heart with your wife, and encourage her to go to Al-Anon, the support group for the loved ones of alcoholics, while you apply yourself to beating your addictions and being true to her.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for Confused by Giggling, the woman who giggles when she is sexually stimulated. I, too, sometimes get the giggles when things get a little intense. I seem to get overwhelmed with how absolutely adorable my man is at that moment and I get a goofy grin on my face or giggle. My guy simply kisses me on the nose or forehead then tells me how beautiful I am. That distracts me from his cuteness and takes it to a whole new level of serious passion. -- Giggling is OK, Winnipeg

 

Dear Giggling: Your boyfriend is confident, understands and doesn't take offence easily -- good on him. He's a keeper!

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I can't believe the problems people have. I value my own self, choose the people I hang out with carefully and never rush that process. I don't have many friends, but I like all the people in my life. Reading your column once in a while always makes me feel thankful. Sometimes I get a little lonely, but then I go and do one of my many hobbies or get some exercise and it always makes things better. The TV never, ever helps. -- Mr. Protectionist, Winnipeg

 

Dear Protectionist: You have worked out a solution for you, but it needs a little tweak. One thing you might do is consciously add new people to your circle in 2014 instead of letting things be. It enriches people to make new friends and you will find your expanded circle will mean you are very rarely lonely any more.

 

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition January 9, 2014 C2

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