Keep sense of humour over night with 'bad boy'

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: There's a "bad boy" who lives in my Osborne Village highrise. I figure he's about 29-35 and he's always coming home with bags of wine, French bread, cheese and fruit and whipped cream -- stuff that looks like it's meant for a private party. I slyly peek in his shopping bags as we go way up the elevator together to our same floor near the top. Finally, I asked him last week, "What kind of party are you having?" and he said, "Wouldn't you like to know, Little Girl!" I am not a little girl at age 31, but he said it jokingly like the Big Bad Wolf. OK (blush), this part should have been above me, but it wasn't. Shame on me, I spied on him for five nights because his car is parked two over from mine and with my binoculars, I can see everything from my window. I stay up late on my computer, which sits by the window. He always returned to the apartment about 2 a.m. (after bar time), dressed up, with some hot-looking woman in tow. Not always the same one, either. Last Saturday, I saw him hauling in the usual -- liquor bottles clanking, French bread again -- and he gave me a devilish smile. "Busy weekend?" I asked "Busy enough," he said, "although I'm all alone tomorrow evening. Come on over, if you'd like some company!" Long story short, I knocked on his door and he was waiting, and boy, did I ever get company. But ever since, he's treated me like nothing happened, like you would after a handshake. What should I do now? -- Still Watching Him, Osborne Village

Dear Watching: First, be glad he isn't ignoring you, or chasing you. This guy has too many women on the go to be a boyfriend and it would be awkward if you had an emotional thing for him and he was still filling the schedule with other women. You had a taste of what's going on over there, and that should be it, unless you want to start making a pest of yourself. Be glad you two are cordial and back to Square 1 on the player board. Try to access your sense of humour on this. Give him a crazy nickname to make it funny. Here's hoping you used a condom when you were with him. Lack of protection with a playboy is not humorous, and you will need a test for sexually transmitted infections if you didn't.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a terrible dream last night wherein my professor told me he never liked me and had it in for me and would fail me if he could. I am not a great believer in psychic phenomena, but could this be some kind of message I was receiving from his mind to mine? I am all scared because I'm not doing very well in his course and might fail. Please help! -- Nightmare Girl, University of Manitoba

Dear Nightmare: Here's my favourite definition of a dream, memorized from a textbook in university decades ago: "A dream is the residue of the day's activities acted upon by your unrestrained wishes, fears and desires." So, you attend class with this professor and you are not having an easy time with the subject matter. You look at him talking and worry about your upcoming tests and crummy final mark. Later that night, you go to sleep and your unrestrained fears are covering this scene from the day with green, slimy paranoia -- with the result being that you get a nightmare. Quite natural! Take it for what it is -- a crappy dream, generated by your growing fears. Your professor probably doesn't dislike you or have it in for you -- he may not even know you. What you need is a tutor to boost you through this course. Maybe that's something you could ask your parents for, as a serious holiday gift, or you could offer to trade tutoring services with someone for a subject you're good at.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 20, 2012 C2