DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is a government worker of the medium-boring variety, but a switch flips on about Oct. 1 and we have four straight weeks of craziness until the Halloween night all-out wild time. We do up the living room and rec room like a castle, play spooky music, burn candles and wear costumes. It's a private thing. Our sex life is never better. He likes to play spooky, silent roles with me in costume as the witchy damsel. He's Frankenstein or Count Dracula, usually, and it rips the door off his shyness when he's in costume. Memories of that used to carry me through until Christmas as his mojo slowly went to sleep again. He's like a bear going into hibernation. Then it's over until spring -- I mean really over.
But I have a secret problem this year. I met this guy online who plays gothic fantasy games with me -- just cybersex and sexting -- nothing real. Now he says he wants to see me even for just two hours on Halloween day when my husband is still at work. He wants to see the dungeon and castle walls I created and play some games. I'm sorely tempted because he's so much fun. He's also 22 years younger. My best girlfriend says you only live once and I should go for it. My husband is 49 and I am 47. We have no kids, just dogs who can't tell on me. -- The Temptress Wife, Winnipeg
Dear Temptress: Don't even think about bringing this stranger over. You'd be taking a guy at the climax of your special Halloween sex holiday into your private love nest at home. That's betraying your man in the biggest way possible. Try to imagine the world of hurt you could cause to your mate who has never done anything to you but love you. Imagine if he came home and caught you, or a neighbour told on you, or the young man started making trouble because he decided he wanted you. It could happen. Jealousy and revenge are ugly motivations for uglier behaviours.
There are degrees of cheating and this would be one of the lowest things you could do. This is your special time of the year with your husband, a special place created for the two of you, and he's the man who loves you. The young guy is just having a laugh. So your husband is less than interesting 11 months a year? Maybe that can be fixed. It sounds like his sex drive dies with the waning light. If you bought him some seasonal affective disorder (SAD) lighting and he used it daily, he might be hyped up to a normal sex drive all winter, and more. At least try that and keep this stranger out of your basement and out of your home life -- and how about out of your life altogether? Cybersex and texting are often gateways to real touch. Do you really want to have an affair and get divorced?
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mom bought her Halloween candy early for the kids who come to our house and I have secretly eaten it over the last month. I am 13 and don't have the money to replace it and time is running out. What should I do? Help! -- Rotten Son, North End
Dear Rotten: Confess while there's still time for her to yell at you, assess a punishment and go out and buy some more. Give her any money you have to help. Be prepared to get in trouble, but lighten the load on your heart by spilling the truth and letting her fix things so she isn't going crazy Halloween night looking for bags of candy that went down your gullet.