Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Lead him astray, then listen to his guilt feelings

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I haven't told my new man yet, but the night is soon coming when he's going to be sexually reborn. His wife didn't have sex with him for years and he never cheated. I love him to pieces. I have been working on him ever since his separation three months ago. No, I'm not being hasty. We have worked together for four years and I have practically flirted the pants off him in the year leading up to his leaving her. But, because he's Mennonite, we never did anything sexual before he left the marriage. Now here's the thing. He's going to have big guilt because he's not divorced. How do I help him get past it? I'm afraid he might do something really dumb like running to confess to his ex. And no, he does not love her any more, not one bit. He describes her as "an armoured tank." -- Leading Him Astray, Southern Manitoba

Dear Leading: Choose a smart location; lead him astray at his new apartment or house. That's a place where he's probably lonely, and he has no bedroom memories, delightful or dismal. Nor will he feel like he's in the lair of "another woman" in the new empty place. Try to do things with him he'd never have done with ex-wife and create new pathways in his brain that way, too. Don't get too domestic right away, unless his wife never cooked for him -- in which case, cook up a great feast for the two of you and eat it off his separated man Chinettes. After the bedroom action, take him out into the snowy world for a walk. Listen to a little of the guilt feelings, if he has them, but quickly say, "You will soon be over it" in the pleasant, sure voice of experience. You need to understand your man's feelings, but not encourage him to go spiralling downwards.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My single male neighbour, who just bought a house two doors over, is entertaining an alarming array of young women every week. I don't know if they're girlfriends or if it's "pay-and-play." They honk twice and he opens the garage so they can park inside. How can a person tell the difference and what should I do about it once I know? This used to be a respectable neighbourhood and my husband I want to keep it that way. -- Good Neighbours, Winnipeg

Dear Neighbours: How do you know they are even girlfriends? Maybe he's a personal trainer, or some kind of counsellor, or has a home-based business with sales people dropping by? And what if they are women coming to see him for sex and romance? Does it really matter if they're paid or unpaid? Is it the number that bothers you? You're spending an awful lot of time monitoring this young guy's social life. Is it turning you on perhaps? Put that energy into your own love life!

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 23, 2012 D4

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