Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just told a big lie. I told my new girlfriend I never had sex with a man before. She said the one thing she couldn't take would be a guy who turned out to be bisexual, as she had her heart broken by a guy like that and never got over it. Well, guess what? I have had a few weekend relationships and a bunch of quickies with guys that meant nothing to me emotionally, but were exactly what I wanted and needed at the time.
I don't present myself as a macho guy. She's an artist and doesn't like jocks. I am crazy about her! I think maybe I could stay true to her, but I might crave a quickie with a guy once in a while. Is that so bad? Should I tell her this and see what she says, or just drift off and not take the chance on hurting her? -- Feeling Guilty, Winnipeg
Dear Guilty: Yes, you need to drift off now. It's not about whether you can hold out except for satisfying the occasional urge with a guy. She has told you up front she doesn't want to get re-involved with a another bisexual man, so not telling her is not just one lie, it would be living a lie until you can't stand it anymore, seeing a guy for sex, and hiding it.
You could tell her honestly why you're checking out of this new relationship, or you could drift away on some other excuse so she doesn't suffer a breakup over this issue again. Whatever you do, make the break soon. Let her go when not too much emotion has been invested.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm got a big thing for my friend's father and it's really gotten bad. My best friend is a girl, too, and I make up reasons to meet her and go to her house when I know her dad will be around. He is really hot -- he looks like a model with a little grey in his sideburns. He's really built and athletic. What about her mother? Who cares? I sure don't. I'll never have her husband, but I just need to look at him any chance I get. I guess you could say he is my older lover fantasy. I daydream about him in school and then fantasize about him at night.
I don't think older men are attractive in general. I don't have daddy problems either. Got any suggestions for me? -- Fantasizing About Him, Selkirk
Dear Fantasizing: How would you like it if a guy friend was making excuses to be with you so he could get a load of your mother and leer at her? Creepy, isn't it? And it's also hurtful to be used like that. If you want to go crazy over older men's looks, rent films with movie stars who fit the bill; that way you won't be hurting anybody. But now, back off from this female friend who thinks mistakenly you are her close friend. You are being a snake in the grass, missy, and you know it, or you wouldn't have written.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have been going to different psychics around town about once or twice a week and spending a fortune. It's getting to be an obsession. I don't do anything without consulting a psychic. What is normal? How often should a person go? -- Weekly Readings, St. Vital
Dear Weekly: Psychics themselves will tell you that going more than once every three months is an unhealthy obsession and going weekly is a lot of money to be spending when you should be directing your own life. Psychic Bernice Bisson of Soul Medicine Psychic Shoppe says psychic prediction does not take away your ability to direct your own life or change your course. "All we are saying in a reading is if you continue along a certain path, this is what is going to happen."
So, my advice is get busy being the pilot of your own life and stop leaning on another human being every few days to tell you what to do next. If you can't do that, learn to read your own cards and at least save the grocery money.
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