DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My young husband drives around with a locked trunk. He never lets me see what's inside. I kept watching for my chance and checking. Today he was washing the car, and a neighbour called him over. He left the trunk unlocked and I had a look. It was full of liquor and ladies clothing -- not business clothes, but really sleazy dresses and wigs. He has a full bar in there, with every kind of drink and mix you can imagine plus domestic and imported beers and a cooler. Why would he have that in his trunk? He is a beer drinker, but he doesn't touch hard stuff. He's a salesman who travels quite a bit for his dad's company. What do you think is going on? -- Stunned, Winnipeg
Dear Stunned: Your husband has a whole other life. First off, he's cross-dressing, and he's providing other people with liquor at parties for two or more. It could be he's meeting with people who are also into dressing up when he's away, or when he's in town and saying he's working. He may simply socialize and party in female clothing, or he may be dressing up and making money, selling himself. He has lots of opportunity to meet people in another city and he may meet contacts at home online. Of course, he could go to cross-dressing clubs and events out of town without running into people he knows from Winnipeg. Now you have some decisions to make. If you can't talk about this with friends or family, see a counsellor on your own who won't be shocked and work out how you feel and what you want to do, before you do it.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I keep reading these stories about men and women being cheated on and it's like re-living my experience. I know that pain, sickness, feeling like my life was completely over and even wanting to die. I was always blaming myself for what happened. I got help from finally understanding the big "Why did he do it?" After reading about affairs, journalling, getting therapy and giving him a second chance, I realized it was out of my control, and that he was sick and addicted to sex with strangers. What he did to me, he did to every women he'd ever dated. He will always be a serial cheater and pathological liar. Even his parents were floored when they found out the magnitude of lying going on. I'm glad I gave him a second chance, even though it didn't work out, because I knew for sure it just wasn't going to work. His mean bone came out, the real him. Needless to say, he's miserable now and I'm sure still looking for meaningless sex. I'm thankfully healed emotionally, feel fantastic physically and have met the man of my dreams who treats me with the utmost respect and love. I trust myself to love again, and trust another man. There is hope! -- Happy, Confident & Loved, Wpg.
Dear Loved: Women are so quick to think every relationship problem is somehow their problem, but if you get mixed up with a serial cheater who's skilled at making people believe he's sincere and faithful, that's not a fault in your character. In your life, you were programmed to be faithful and expect the same in return, so you trusted. And that was good because it gave you a familiar place to come back to, once you went through your therapy -- a world of trust. You knew there were people who loved and could be trusted, and you found one for sure this time. I'd wish you good luck in your new relationship but it's obvious you don't need it!
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