DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm 28, in national sales for a big company. Sorry to tell your conservative readers this, but I have been seeing two women at once for the last eight months. Everything was going well until this week when my girlfriend from Calgary announced she just got a transfer to Winnipeg so she can be near to me on the weekends. I recently told her I loved her, so she thought this would be a wonderful surprise. More like a shock! My Winnipeg girlfriend, who I've cared about very deeply for three years, is used to seeing me home every weekend. I travel for work Monday to Thursday and I've been able to hide my Calgary lady until now by only using a secret cellphone with her. She's very outgoing and will hit Winnipeg like a whirlwind on May 15 and has no reason not to talk about me, her boyfriend. She went to university here and has relatives here, and has probably told everyone already. The problem is I love these two women equally, though for different reasons. Both are well brought-up, educated, nice people and would never have a disease, so I felt it was safe to sleep with both of them, and it would cause nobody harm. Things got out of hand emotionally, it seems. Now what? -- Torn Between Two Lovers, Winnipeg
Dear Torn: You forgot the third person you're in love with -- yourself. That's who you really love the most and why you feel entitled to be a small-time playboy. For the two women's sakes, you have to make a clear decision in the next 24-48 hours. Your two girlfriends can't co-exist in small-town Winnipeg. So, who do you care about the most? Which one is serious for you and which one is less so, or are they both, as I suspect, not 100 per cent solutions? If you decide to say goodbye to the out-of-town woman, do it now so she might still be able to change her mind and stay in Calgary. If you decide to punt the woman in Winnipeg, you also have to make a fast decision, so she will have stopped bombarding you with calls by the time that Calgary plane taxis into Richardson Airport.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm nearly blind and have never really seen my boyfriend perfectly clearly. I don't really care because he is beautiful to me inside and out. I thought he felt the same way about me, although he has more sight than I do. Last night changed all that. He suggested I start seeing a hairdresser and sprucing up a bit. I was horribly crushed. I have no clear idea of how my hair looks although it is long and black and clean and I braid it over one shoulder. He said he can see me, and just thought someone who loves me should tell me. I said OK, because I love him, but I feel sick about his criticism. What should I do? -- Hurt and Embarrassed, Winnipeg
Dear Hurt: Tell him to back off. Talk to one of your close friends and decide what, if anything, you want to do. He has no right to tell you that you are in need of spiffing up. Just because you're blind doesn't mean he gets to take charge of how you look. Maybe you do look a little casual, but it's not his place to take you in hand and change you. You can decide with a girlfriend, and the smart decision may be to get rid of the least attractive thing about you -- him.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6