DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I had a certified boyfriend leading up to Valentine’s Day for the first time in four years. I had planned a big night for Feb.14 — dinner at my place, sexy times, little gifts, a walk in the snow, champagne at midnight. I told him all about it this weekend, and he turned white in front of me, got dressed and went home.
He said, "That’s too much, for God’s sake!" as he was getting his clothes on. I haven’t heard a word from him since. I have called and texted him 50 times (just an estimate) and he won’t take my calls. What on earth did I do wrong to deserve this? — Alone Again for Valentines, Winnipeg Dear Alone: A developing relationship is like a dance. You must keep in step with the person, or if you’re able, lag behind a half step. Has he been saying "I love you?" Has he been making plans or talking about what you’d do in the future, even the spring or summer? You’re always best to wait to get really romantic until you see the lovelight in your partner’s eyes and hear the three big words. When he said "That’s too much" you might have saved the day by saying, "If that’s too much, let’s just go out to a club with friends and have some fun." Phoning him 50 times just makes him feel chased — so he keeps running. Let this one go. Think about slowing your pace, take a break for a few months and then try to find a new romance where you play it cooler.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I broke up, and it was very painful for me. We have been apart nine months now. The kids want to get him Valentine’s Day cards and I don’t have the heart to put out five cents for them! They’re too old to be making valentines, they say, and I am "mean" for not wanting to buy them. Am I? — Big Meanie? St. Norbert Dear Meanie: Take the high road, mommy, if you can still get back on it.
This is not the children’s fight; they still love their dad. You could show them how to make valentines on the computer, or nip down to the store with the kids and put out a few dollars to buy them. The latter would be better in terms of saving your face, which now has a mean look on it that the children may remember. Apologize and explain you’re still upset about the breakup, but you realize you were being silly, and they should definitely get their dad valentines. If the children are old enough to want store-bought valentines, they’re old enough to pick them out, and you’re old enough to pay for them.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last Valentine’s Day I took my wife to see the stars in the country. It was a very clear night and we had a picnic in the car and necked like teenagers. I just want to pass this idea along to dumb guys who never know what to do.
Worked for me big time. — Romantic Husband, Selkirk Dear Hubby: Great idea! But, there are two things city folks should be aware of with this project; getting far enough away from the city to be out of the glow it throws off — like a good 20 kilometres from city’s edge — and allowing enough time in the country to wait for a break in cloud cover.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in my early 70s and have a new man friend — a widower. I want to have sex and he’s quite capable, but he doesn’t make a move because her says it would feel like cheating on his wife. What should I tell him? — Desire For Him, Winnipeg
Dear Desire: Some people think their deceased mate can see everything they’re doing. You need to discuss this with your new friend.
Maybe he’s never heard the opposite argument. Many people believe that those who have gone before, are not "checking up" on people on Earth, and have reached a higher plain where there would be no jealousy anyway. If his wife loved him, she wouldn’t want him to be alone and lonely with no one to hold him. Touch and affection and sex are good for physical and emotional health. It’s time for a heart to heart talk — but no begging or cajoling.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email firstname.lastname@example.org