Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

A lot of men are too embarrassed to seek romantic help

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DEAR MS. LONELYHEARTS: This is in response to your column about matchmaking. First of all, men do NOT "often" think they deserve younger, better-looking women. As a larger guy, I know precisely how the world sees me (it never passes up an opportunity to remind me) and I haven't fooled myself into thinking I "should" be with a skinny woman. Just because that's what a man wants, that doesn't mean he thinks he's earned it. Secondly, and I'm quoting you here: "...the guys who do go for matchmaking are often of a lesser status than the woman registered at the same place." A "lesser status." I almost don't know what to say to that. Please explain yourself. -- Not Impressed, Winnipeg

Dear Not: Women of all types are not embarrassed to reach out for help when they need it -- from getting directions to getting help finding a new partner. There are a lot of men who would rather die than stop the car and ask for directions or ask a matchmaker to help them find a match. The men who will ask for help will have exhausted all other avenues first. The men who have the wherewithal to find a new partner without help will go out and do so. That leaves the guys who can't and the few smart guys who have figured this situation out and know the supply of single women at a matchmaker's service will be everywhere from the most accomplished (who have no time to look for a guy) to those with the a variety of levels of personal resources to find a new partner.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Wow! I read your column about matchmaking with much interest. It was refreshing to hear you speak so candidly about the complications of dating and relationships later in life. As a 50-plus-year-old woman who has been single for a decade people often ask me why I am still alone. When I tell them the reasons you cite, and more, they often look at me incredulously. They don't see that blending families, finances, households and established lives is very difficult. I find at this age, men are often looking for someone to take care of them, their family obligations and organizing their lives. And yes, when I look around at the men close to my own age, their physical condition is appalling. This results in men with low energy levels and lack of desire to live active social lives, something that my women friends relish now that their obligations to their families are mostly complete. I am perfectly content living the simple, single life, but am weary of having to explain it. Thank you for seeing it, and expressing it so clearly. -- Regards, Winnipeg

Dear Regards: Don't give up but do consider travelling farther afield. Some of the best and most natural matches are made when people travel for education, work, adventure or a great curiosity about something. Online matches are better if you pay for a membership to get in with the crowd who are working or have sufficient funds to be solvent and if you join a group with an interest you share. The free online personals often attract people who are playing around as well as sincere people looking for love.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 21, 2010 c9

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