Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Apologize, then dump racist boyfriend

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend is always making stupid racial jokes. He thinks he's entitled because he's brown and of mixed race. He tells racial jokes that revolve around stupid behavior or accents other than his own -- out loud in restaurants and parties. I have warned him and warned him. Last night he had his big mouth open, loudly starting into an Asian joke (I'm part Asian) and I got so mad I stuffed a paper serviette into his mouth to shut him up. He took it out, threw some money on the table and walked out. I don't know whether to call him and apologize or not as I'm not sorry. -- Still Mad and Disgusted, Winnipeg

Dear Mad: What you did was pretty humiliating, so call him and apologize but then "agree to disagree" over racist jokes. Since he won't stop telling them -- you will now stop being his girlfriend. Attraction diminishes with each act of disrespect, so this relationship wasn't going to last much longer anyway. Next time someone starts to offend you with a racist joke, say pleasantly, "Please don't continue with that racist joke" and then change the subject quickly. If your friend won't be deterred, you say seriously, "I find this kind of joke really offensive and can't stick around to listen. I'm sorry, but I'll go if you don't stop."

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother kisses me goodnight before she goes to bed, on the cheek. I really find it embarrassing as I am 15. How do I get her to stop without hurting her feelings. My dad says he's not helping me with this one, as Mom is very sensitive and "You're her baby." No one else's mother does this. I need to tell her. Can you give me some words? -- Stop Kissing Me, Brandon. Mb.

Dear Stop Kissing Me: Look for a substitute to give your mom. Ask her to "say it instead of showing it." Here's a little script for you to consider using, when you talk to her about it: "Mom, I know this probably is my own problem with maturity but I'm not comfortable with the kiss goodnight thing. Can you please just say something like, "Good night, Love ya" or something like that? I'll probably feel different when I'm older but right now it makes me feel like a little boy, and I'm 15."

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Is there even any point in trying to find a good girl anymore? Whenever I read the advice columns it always seems to be the same -- women cheating on their husbands or boyfriends and honestly not caring. For every story about men cheating, there are 10 about women. With those odds, why bother being a good man and why bother trying to find a good woman? -- Discouraged, Winnipeg

Dear Discouraged: Don't give up. The letters you read in advice columns generally come from people whose relationships are troubled. The happy relationships usually don't need much help. There are lots of good people in the world. If you want to meet a good woman, devote two years to finding the love of your life by joining groups and clubs where people have the same interests, volunteer at your community club, organize friends to go out to music clubs. Get fit and buy new clothes and get a great haircut which improves confidence and mood. The world is full of great women -- with a few problem types thrown in.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 23, 2011 D3

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