Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Are you honest or just vindictive?

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boss is doing some bad things on his wife, and the big boss, and I know about them. He's having an affair with a married woman from our biggest competitor. He's padding his expense accounts like crazy and he has, on occasion when he's been drinking his office, said he'd like to "take me home." He didn't say "for dinner with my wife" so I'm imagining he meant when his wife was away. He lets me get away with being lazy because I'm good-looking and he's proud of that -- as if it reflects positively on him. He doesn't know I'm going to quit for a better job in a month. I think I should tell all this information about him to people who should know before I leave. What do you think? -- Too Honest? Downtown

 

Dear Honest: Sounds like your favourite drink is a small part honesty mixed with a large part vengeance. You claim to be honest but you have not blown the whistle to this point in order to keep your own cushy job -- a place where you don't do an honest week's work. All of a sudden you want to expose other people, as you walk out the door to safety. Have you thought ahead? What will happen if you tell his wife he's cheating? Will she thank you, or go after you? What scenario will play out when you tell his boss about the affair with a competitor? How will accounting people handle it when you blow the whistle on him? They will want proof from you. You know all the characters in this game, so think long and hard about which moves you are going to make, if any.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyheats: I am dreading Valentine's day. Last year on that day, my dog died in my arms. My fiancé, who doesn't like dogs, and my old dog in particular, said "Good riddance" under his breath. I was already crying, but I didn't want his nasty devil arms around me anymore. I gave him back his ring and broke up with him right in the vet's office. A week ago he sent me a letter saying he'd never gotten over me in a year, and to please forgive him for the stupid dog remark and could we see each other again? I am lonely too, and I miss a lot of what we had, but I have another puppy now and I am not giving her up for anybody. I am tempted just to see him for dinner on Valentine's Day, but I don't know. What do you think? Could he have changed? -- Lonely Valentine, Selkirk

 

Dear Lonely: Anyone who could say "good riddance"' when their fiancées dog was dying in her arms is not worthy as a marriage partner, a lover or even a dinner partner on a lonely night. Loneliness is painful, but you are making a big mistake if you plug the hole in your heart with a dangerous substance. Make up your mind to actively look for new love starting Feb. 14th and make it a positive day again for you. People do a lot of regrettable things on Valentine's Day because they feel lonely for someone, just anyone! Don't be one of those people.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 51 and having a wonderful relationship with a widow who is in her 40s. I bought her an engagement ring for Christmas to surprise her and then I got cold feet. I was afraid she might feel disloyal as her husband had only been gone a year (though he was sick for 15 years before that.) Now Valentine's Day is coming up and I think maybe I will surprise her with it. This time I have more courage. I love surprises, but what if she doesn't? What if she doesn't want the ring at all? -- Scared About Her Reaction, Winnipeg

 

Dear Scared: This is not the time to be popping up from behind a bush with a diamond surprise. When a woman has recently gone through losing her husband, this re-marraige thing has to be discussed before it happens. Don't even tell her you have a ring. Ask her casually this week if she'd like to live with you one day and maybe be married. If she says yes, you could ask her when she might feel it was the right time. If she says "anytime," then you have a green light. You're old enough to talk about the whole scenario. If she loves you, she will be glad to chat about her thoughts and feelings. If she's not ready she'll shut down the conversation and you'll put the ring away for six months at least. Don't bug her about it every few months just because you've already bought it.

 

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 4, 2012 G9

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