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Ask boyfriend why he wears perfume

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new boyfriend's place smells suspiciously like women's perfume. At first I thought it was another woman but I'm so hot I don't see how he would have time or leftover desire. Lightbulb! I finally got him to show me where the scent was coming from. He had a whole collection of women's expensive perfumes and he wears them when no one else is around. How weird is that? I don't care so much, except does that mean he's toying with gayness? Do any other guys out there secretly wear women's perfume? Why does he do it? He says his former girlfriend was OK with it, and she would sometimes wear men's cologne. -- Boyfriend Has Girly Smell, Winnipeg

 

Dear Freaked: Yes, some men do, but it's unusual and means something -- it came from somewhere. Ask him about the origins of his love for perfume. You need to know. Does it have anything to do with his sexuality? Did it start with a certain female in his life: his mom or his sister or his babysitter or an old girlfriend? Is it a method he learned to use for self-stimulation? And finally, does he dress up like a woman and wear the perfume when he's alone? Gently find out what the perfume thing means. It may be nothing or it may be part of a bigger scene he has yet to mention.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: OK, I'll admit it up front. I stole a friend's boyfriend. I didn't mean to fall in love with him, but it happened. I knew he was getting sick of her, and she was unhappy too. She was telling me he said he didn't like artistic head-in-the-clouds girls like her. She said he was "boring." I'm the dependable type, who enjoys balancing my chequebook. So is he! I like sex in a comfortable bed, not hanging from a lamp post. So does he! We all went up to the lake and they weren't getting along. I sympathized with him. It was as easy as reeling in a fish, I'm ashamed to say. I thought she might be mad for awhile because she was getting tired of him, but I was not prepared for the tornado this would unleash on my life. She has done every "creative" thing she can think of to get revenge on him and me. I woke up this morning and drove to work with people honking at me all the way. It turns out she wrote on my car: HONK AT THE BOYFRIEND STEALER. I called her from work crying, and asked her to stop and she said "Only if you break up with MY boyfriend forever." Should I do it? What else can I do? We are all 21. -- Harassed by Ex-BFF, Winnipeg

 

Dear Harassed: Why couldn't you have waited until they'd broken up? You knew it was coming yet you used her confessions against her and took away her boyfriend in a sneaky, vile way. That's not how BFF's treat each other. Understandably, she seems as upset about your betrayal as about the breakup with him, and who can blame her?. Having said that, you're still protected by law from someone harassing you with mischief of the serious kind. Tell her she must stop or you will take legal action. Where is the prince in all this, hiding in the pond? He needs to talk with his ex, apologize and take his side of the blame for sneaking off with you behind her back. But, that does not mean you have to break up with him, because she has ordered it. All you can do is damage control and apologizing to her yourself might help, if you could do so safely on the phone.

 

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 4, 2011 D5

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