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Ask her if she wants a man; at least you'll know

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a recurring nightmare that my lover -- also a woman -- went back to her husband. The dream is so vivid it shakes me up to think of it right now. In the dream, I am on my knees begging her as she packs her suitcases and a tanned, shirtless man is waiting outside with his black truck. She says this will never happen, but I guess I am still insecure. She loved him once, enough to make vows to him and marry him. We have an amazing sex life and yet, surprisingly, she said early on, that was the only thing good about her relationship with him. Would she ever want more of what he has to offer and I don't? We can simulate it but I can never be man for real. What if she still craves that from him or some other man once in a while? Please help me. The last thing I want to do is be pathetic in her eyes because I love her so. -- Tortured Soul, Winnipeg

Dear Tortured: Have you ever asked her if she'd like to have sex with a man once in a while? I know it's a terrible question for you to utter, but that terrifying question is the spectre that haunts your dreams. If you're already asking it to yourself, why not ask her and take what comes back as her answer? It couldn't be worse than the feeling you have now -- which is a belief that she wants to have a man, and it could happen any time. She might tell you truths that are so comforting you never have the dream again, or she might promise to tell you, way ahead of time if she starts to feel that desire. You might be able to fix that in fantasy role-playing if you have time to work on it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have two small dogs who sleep on the bed with me. Whenever my boyfriend and I get busy without them, they cry piteously and hurl themselves against the door. So, I just let them stay, big deal. They watch, or go to sleep and they're too small to cause anyone any trouble. Anyway, the new puppy -- Christmas Present to Myself No. 3 -- surprised us all a few days ago by taking offence at the crowning moment and grabbing onto my boyfriend's calf and biting him hard. My boyfriend pulled him off and then kicked him flying off the bed across the room, with the puppy landing against a wooden chair leg where he broke several ribs. I sent my boyfriend packing, got my dog to the vet and have been trying to block communications since. My boyfriend says he's "sooooo sorry, that he loves my dogs, but this was an instinctual reaction." Should I trust him again? -- Suspicious of His Words, Central Wpg.

Dear Suspicious: The dog was defending you from an attacker who was making you cry out. He's innocent. Your boyfriend was rougher than necessary -- he didn't need to kick the pup once he pulled him off -- which makes him cruel. He should be gone for good. You, the outraged one, are a foolish dog owner, so here's a lecture for you: A smart dog owner would not have three dogs with sharp teeth present for a sex scene where some man appears to be hurting their mistress. If dogs yelp outside the door when you're having private times, you don't invite them in. Instead you shoo them off to another room further away, close that door and turn up the radio. Why would you want dogs watching you anyway? Find yourself a gentler man and an animal lover, and stop treating your dogs like miniature humans. They don't even want that silliness, according to dog experts. They want a sensible pack leader who avoids danger for everybody.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition January 16, 2011 A52

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