DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm worried about my daughter who sleeps with many guys she doesn't even love. I read her diary, and it wasn't pretty. She has "sex buddies" and "one nighters" with other guys. She's addicted to the lifestyle of "perfect freedom with a great sex life." As it happens I know these sex buddies, and thought one was just a friend and the other was gay. Silly me. She says she's getting A-level sex from one, and C-plus from the other "but he's so sweet." Luckily, she's on the pill, but they don't use condoms all the time. This is "too much information" for a mother. She thinks I'm "alright" as a mother but way behind the times. She wants to be a career woman, like me. Being tied down to some guy isn't for her, until she's 30. She's 19 now. She sleeps over at the "gay"' friend's house. The other friend has sex with her in her bedroom when I'm sleeping. What can I do, if anything? I'm afraid my daughter has become shallow and misguided. I have neither a husband nor a sex life. Is that why she seems to have no heart or family aspirations? Help, please. -- Divorced Momma
Dear Divorced: Role modelling is different from preaching. She seems happy enough now, but she's not seeing any other model for a romantic life close to her. Whether you like it or not, you are your daughter's most important example and you are stuck in a rut. She's looking at you to lead. Make this the year you get your love life back into gear. What would it take to get a social life back and find a new person to love? Are you woefully out of shape and have dealt yourself out of the game? Diet and exercise will fix that and make you feel healthier and sexier, too. Do you need a group of single friends? Adventures for Successful Singles (775-3484) offers 50-60 sports per month, arts and social activities. They also have support groups and seminars for people who are struggling with issues that get in the way of loving again (www.adventuresforsuccessfulsingles.com). Once you show interest in making a love connection in your life, your daughter will see that as a possibility too.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm mad at Spin Doctor, the name I call my boyfriend, because he's a liar. He lies about everything -- even stuff he doesn't need to lie about. When I accuse him of lying, he laughs. Why? That throws me. He says I stick so close to the truth I'm boring. That makes me mad, too. What should I do? I'm 41. -- In Love with a Liar, Selkirk
Dear In Love: Dump this liar! He laughs because he lacks a conscience. And what's to love? How can you know who he is? He lies about everything and that includes revelations about himself, his past, his work, his exes, and other women he may see on the side. This guy laughs because he has no remorse for telling everyone tall stories, some just for his amusement. He is looking down on people. That's a dangerous person to be with, a man who alters reality to suit himself. This guy has serious problems you can't change. If you can't free yourself from him, get counselling help, so you can do it.
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