Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Be friendly and flirty, but give her time

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met the most wonderful woman at a Winnipeg nightclub and she gave me the biggest smile. We danced, talked, held hands and even kissed a couple of times. But, when I asked to see her again, her response was a "no," with a hesitation. She told me sadly she's going through a separation. At that moment I felt a little heartbroken because I'm afraid I won't see her again, since separation can be traumatic. She told me where she works, but it'd be kind of creepy if I visited her, wouldn't it. Can you help me?

-- Relying on Hope, Winnipeg

Dear Relying: Don't go to her work bearing purple posies. You're right about the creepiness. A stranger waiting in the lobby at work feels like stalker behaviour these days. But don't give up either. Chances are she may be hoping to run into you casually again. So, frequent the same nightclub on the same night of the week a few times with a friend or two. Stay all evening, and see if you can bump into her. This time ask for the status of her separation: Is it a trial-separation-with-hope, or is she just feeling wobbly about dating, and is waiting for the divorce papers to declare herself free. (Old-fashioned women will still do this.) You should be warned hurting-but-hopeful separated people tend to love a three-hour nightclub flirtation, as it binds the wounds and boosts the ego for a night. But that's it. Wobbly ones, who are truly finished but recovering, just need time and patience while they get their legs. If you see her, don't be buddy-buddy, which dissipates the sexual attraction, and don't be clingy, which will scare her off. Just be around, friendly and flirty. Give her time to desire you by being close and then talking to your friends for a bit elsewhere in the room. You may be able to tame this attractive lady.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: So I finally met a girl who I think I really get along with and the feeling is mutual. But, the catch is she lives six hours away. We met this past weekend and spent the majority of the weekend hanging out together, talking. I just can't seem to get her out of my head. We've been talking each day since and have found a lot of interests we have in common. My only concern is whether or not I'll be able to maintain a long-distance relationship for an extended period. I plan on going to see her the second weekend of July for a visit. Based on how that goes. I will try to figure out some reasonable frequency of going back. So, should I or shouldn't I? I'd hate to let a chance at something wonderful just pass me by.

-- Living Here, Wanting to be Elsewhere, Fort Garry

Dear Living: I'm all for romantic adventure. But, hold on, romantic one! You've only spent one weekend in this woman's company and your mind is speeding way down the road towards major commitment. Just go and visit her as soon as you can, so you don't invest too much feeling before you know the score.Look at this as the information-gathering stage and don't even think about moving cities or countries at this point. Ask a lot of questions, and try to meet her family and friends as much as you can, rather than holing up together. If she tries to hide you, she may have another guy there. On the long drive home, think hard. Decide if she might be a serious contender, and if you want to try a long-distance relationship. Then ask how she feels after the mutual tryout.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 16, 2009 D4

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