Confess kiss to wife, take power away from sister-in-law

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife and I just came back from a trip overseas to see our relatives. While we were there, I secretly looked up an old girlfriend, just to have a beer and reminisce. Well, one thing led to another and we ended up kissing, nothing more, as we said goodbye. It wasn't a peck; it was a full-blown embrace in a car. Unfortunately, we were seen by my nosy sister-in-law. She is now blackmailing me, but not for money. She says she will tell my wife (her sister) when she comes at Christmas if I don't confess to my wife myself before that time. What should I do? -- Rock and a Hard Place, Winnipeg

Dear Rock: Too bad you don't have something equally bad to hold over your sister-in-law! Seriously now, this is why you have to confess you kissed your old girlfriend while on a sneaky old-times-sake date: If her sister gives her the news at Christmas present, it'll be a million times worse. If you don't say anything at all, hoping your sis-in-law wouldn't really want to ruin things at holiday time, you'll be nervous every minute and ruin the holiday yourself. So confess and get it over with! Apologize profusely, and see what happens. Then keep your nose clean. Something tells me you may not have told the whole story here. So, if you've been corresponding online with this ex-flame, stop today and erase all conversations, no matter how mundane.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I sometimes like to hold a glass to the wall and listen in on my neighbours when they're in their bedroom getting busy. This apartment block has paper-thin walls and the neighbors know it, so I'm guessing they do all this for show and they WANT us to hear them. So why not? It gives me a thrill, especially when I'm alone without my guy who works a lot of nights. I tried to get my boyfriend to use the glass and listen with me, but he said I'm a "sicko" for doing it. Am I? -- Why Not? Fort Rouge

Dear Why Not: You sound young, curious and a bit silly, but not necessarily sick. If you want to test if the neighbours want you to hear or not, rap hard on the wall when they're being noisy, and see if it stops. If it intensifies, they probably don't mind if you're listening in But, if it ends abruptly, stop eavesdropping with your glass and try to respect their privacy by moving your bed across the room to rest against a different wall. (We both know you're not going to do that, don't we?)

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a young lady just starting out, but my past keeps coming back. I haven't had a boyfriend in a while, but I don't mind being single. It's just that my friend always brings up the past with that one guy every time I see her, asking all about our relationship. Then I start to think about him, and it gets me mad because he moved on and I'm happy for that. Why won't she let me move on, too? She throws that relationship in my face all the time. Should I tell to cut it out, or act as if I can't hear her? -- Tired Out, Winnipeg

Dear Tired: Look, it sounds like your pal is getting a strange kick out of hearing the details. Either it turns her on to think about him, or she's trying to figure out his headspace so she can take a calculated run at him herself. Get right in her face! Ask her point-blank why she always brings him up, and then wait for the answer, even if there's an uncomfortable silence. Don't say one word until you get an answer about it. Tell her you've finished talking about him forever, and if she brings him up again, you will turn a deaf ear.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 4, 2009 D2