Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Confront your sexting frenemy

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband does a lot of text messaging as part of his work. We share different groups of friends and all get along quite well. He tends to flirt, and in all honesty, so do I, normally in each other's company, or at least I think that's the case. I ended up being a little curious with all the texting going on so I snooped. I found some conversations between him and the wife of a couple we're friends with. Now the texting had become sexting. (They were saying what they were going to do to one another!) This was a complete shock, and I felt insulted and hurt. I confronted him and he said it was all in good fun and I shouldn't be this upset. I am! I feel this to be a betrayal of our marriage and is definitely making me feel awkward around her. How do I get over this? Am I making more out of something that isn't there? Does the other husband know? Should I say something to someone, anyone? -- Confused in St James

Dear Confused: You've been letting the two sexting traitors get away with this by being silent. That's the unfortunate side of the über-polite Canadian character. But, it's not too late. Confront this frenemy who has invaded your marriage -- in person, or any other way you can do it. Tell her you saw the sexting and she'd better stay away from your marriage. If you want to advise her husband, do it. Why should you protect her? Some people would argue it's all your husband's fault, and not to confront the other woman. That's nonsense. Women should be loyal to one another, particularly friends. As for your husband, right now there are no consequences. He's even got you doubting your feelings. If he finds out you will speak out and make trouble all round, he'll be less likely to stray. At this point, you must put your foot down very hard, agree on boundaries, and clean up your own flirting act.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just recently moved in with my boyfriend and moved out of home for the first time and I haven't been able to sleep. I don't quite understand it as we've had many sleepovers in the past (although I never had an amazing sleep, I could still sleep). I'm 28 and finally have the salary to allow myself to move out -- and I'm miserable. Not sleeping is affecting how I function at work, my social life, and my health. I'm happy to be living with him on our own, but I'm exhausted. This should be an exciting time and I feel awful. Please help. -- Tired of Sleepless Nights

Dear Tired: What do you think about at bedtime besides not being able to get to sleep? Do you miss your parents and family? Are you worried your live-in really doesn't want a full commitment, or do you care about that? Is the bed his old bed, and you don't feel comfortable on it? Do you miss your privacy, now you have none? Lots of people have a hard time sleeping when they first move in with each other. It's a huge life change. Until you get used to it, you may want to go for a walk with your sweetheart and breathe in all that fresh air just before bedtime to get yourself physically tired. A warm bath and some chamomile tea will add to your easing into sleep. And, if making love at night just serves to jolt you awake, try making love at supper time or in the morning instead, when you're happy to end up feeling alert.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 19, 2011 D5

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