DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm concerned about my boyfriend's teenage son. He may be gay, which is fine. But, my boyfriend teases him (in a fun way) about girls. If the son eventually does come out, I'm worried he won't feel like he can turn to his dad. I don't know how to suggest this to his father without his getting upset. Also, I don't want him to alienate his son. Do you have some suggestions? -- Just Wanting to Help, Winnipeg
Dear Wanting: Without mentioning you sense the boy might be gay, intervene in a general way. If you have a friendly relationship with the son, ask him casually if he's OK with his dad teasing him about girls, and see what he says. Not many kids like to be teased about crushes (on either sex), and the sad thing is it can make them stop talking to their parents about anything personal. Teenagers are awkward and sensitive and want to avoid all possible ridicule. If the son says it bugs him, suggest your boyfriend stop, and replace teasing with interactions his son would actually enjoy. Also remind your boyfriend about his own dad or uncles teasing him when he was young. Teasing to the point where kids ran from the room in embarrassment was common practice a generation ago. Then parents weren't close or trusted enough to help, if a kid was hurting over a relationship problem.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a female, 26, and recently found myself single after a long-term relationship and have decided to take some time off dating, and men. I haven't been with a man in months now and don't miss sex. I'm not a highly sexual person, though I have no qualms about it ---- just lately I've felt impartial. I've never had an orgasm or an erotic dream. I've never craved sex or needed it. My newly-found free time has been spent scouring the Internet for an answer to this, but to no avail. I love men, and I'm comfortable with my sexuality. I love the closeness and when it comes down to it, I enjoy sex -- just not as much as I should. Most girls I talk to seem to be at their peak and I feel like I'm missing out. Is there an explanation for this? -- Why No Big O., Winnipeg
Dear Why: Orgasm makes sex more fun, and an experience worth repeating. The good news: Once the body has experienced a climax, it tends to be a lot easier to experience it again. So, take this time between relationships to educate your body, with no pressure. Teaching your own body the path to orgasm through self-stimulation and fantasy. A small book called Tickle Your Fancy by Sadie Allison is one of the best how-to's on the market, and is available at Love Nest stores in the city. Once the connection between physical and mental stimulation is established and you know how to bring yourself to a high degree of sexual tension capped by orgasm, you can start transferring those skills to a new lover in a new relationship. Men really want to learn how to please a woman and are touchingly grateful to be taught specifics. But, you must find the way there first. Don't ever make you partner totally responsible for your orgasm; be willing to help out so you both know it's going to happen and there's no pressure on either side.
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