Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Do some reading and surprise him with new moves

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend and I have been together for four months and I'm worried he's going to get bored of me. My last (and only) relationship lasted several years and ended with his cheating on me for another girl. Cue the end of my self-esteem. I am a girl who is totally fine with the same kind of sex several times a week, but I don't want my guy to get tired of it. I don't have the confidence to try any role-playing, nor am I confident enough with my body to try modelling for him. We tried a different position and a different style the other night and while he seemed happy, I absolutely hated it. It was cold and just not exciting for me at all. I don't know how to make sure he is happy, and that I enjoy it as well. -- Any Hints? Winnipeg

Dear Hints: Young guys particularly like to suggest new positions when they're trying to be novel, as they're inclined to be athletic and would not be caught dead buying any how-to sex literature. Too bad. You sound like the hearts and flowers type and there's nothing wrong with that, but a little spice is necessary long-term. Women have the advantage of being able to ask for directions, or in your case to head for a big bookstore and read the directions to thousands of sexy scenarios for people in your situation. Pick out a stack of sex/romance idea books, particularly ones that start with phrases like 365 Days or 52 Weeks, and get your money's worth. Buy a favourite to take home. Just read one or two ideas a day and mull them over. No matter how boring and uncreative you think you are, you'll find a few new things you'd like to try. Then show your beau the selection! If you're too shy to make a purchase in person, check out online bookstores, with books delivered to your door in a brown paper wrapper. Just stick your hand out, sign the delivery paper, and pull it in.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We just came home from our two-week holiday at the lake where we slept in the same bed nude -- only one bed to have when the kids are there, and it was too hot all summer to wear clothes. We had great sex every night, but one. At home we have two bedrooms because I snore. My husband says he doesn't mind, but I know I must disturb his sleep. The sex and closeness were so great at the lake I don't want to lose it. He has asked me to move back into the big bedroom with him -- but what about my snoring?-- Move Back In? River Heights

Dear Move: Your marriage underwent a little miracle at the lake, so hang onto it. Move back into the bigger bedroom together today. And, stop acting like a mother to your husband, as if you know better than he does what bothers his sleep and what doesn't. Are you sure you didn't want him out of the bedroom for your own reasons? Well, those seem to have departed at the lake. You had a wonderful time in bed, and you both slept. Remember, a man who is deeply satisfied will probably sleep deeply and not hear anything. To prolong the lake feeling, buy some CDs of lake sounds and rain falling for your city bedroom together.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend had a peculiar habit of humming while we make love. I don't like it because it sounds nervous. I remarked on it and she went quiet. Now it's way too silent in the bedroom and I think it's an effort for her not to hum. I stupidly made her feel self-conscious. We are only 18 and I admit I don't know what I'm doing half the time, either. Please help. -- Sorry I Criticized

Dear Sorry: Tell her you miss her humming and little sounds, and ask her to make music again. Help this along by putting a sound system in the bedroom and picking out romantic, sexy music you both like that's ready to go at the flick of a switch. It's quite all right to say to your lover very intimate things like, "I don't like it when the room's gone quiet." Being able to tell truth like this improves a love relationship, as long as it's said in a sweet way.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6, or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 28, 2011 A15

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