Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Doin' it with drunken disregard just plain dopey

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Dear Miss Loneyhearts: I have been hiding under the blankets all day and have only now just surfaced to write you. Last night I had a liaison with a hot-looking man I met at a conference and we both had too much too drink. I took him home with me -- not knowing if he were married or single -- and gave him the night of his life. This morning he was awoken by several multi-ring urgent cellphone calls and finally took a call in the bathroom (locked). When he came out he looked shame-faced and said "I think I'd better tell you the truth. You are the first woman I have slept with in eight years. I am gay now and have a live-in partner. This was just a slip-up from the drinking. My partner is suspicious and upset and I beg you not to say anything of this night we had to anyone, particularly people who know us both and saw us leave." He told me neither his partner nor he have any communicable diseases so the fact we didn't use a condom isn't a tragedy. "Can you still get pregnant?" he asked. I said yes. "What time of the month is it for you?" he asked. "Not a good time (not) to be safe," I said. Now I don't know what to do. I would never have an abortion anyway. I'm Catholic and I have always wanted a baby. My best friend says to hope I get pregnant as it may be my only chance. What a crazy mess. My question to you: If I end up pregnant, should I tell him? I know where he works (in another province). -- Mind is Boggling, Winnipeg

 

Dear Boggling: Since you'd never get an abortion, you wait and test. And, think hard about your drunken disregard for safety while you're waiting. A one-night stand and no protection against disease or pregnancy? Girlfriend! You didn't even know the man well enough to find out if he had a partner -- of either sex. That's what liquor will do -- make you uninhibited and careless. If you do end up pregnant and have a baby, you owe the "Who's your daddy" talk to the child and a call to the father. The father will owe monthly financial support at the least and visits at the most. There may even come a day when the child will go and visit her "daddies" for spring break. In the meantime, think about other ways you might conceive a child or adopt one, if this is just a scare. Subconsciously I suspect you have a yen for a child and that helped to make you careless. You should also have a test for STDs. If this fellow cheated with you, he may have cheated here and there along the way with other men or women -- you know, slip-ups. Then there's his partner's sexual history to consider.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a paranoid girl. Due to this, I did not lose my virginity until I was 20. Additionally, my boyfriend and I waited four months because I wanted him to be tested for AIDS and other STDs. He did wait for me and his test results were all negative. We dated about a year-and-a-half and always had sex with condoms. We broke up about two years ago. I have been celibate since. About six months after we broke up I went to the doctor with "bumps" on my privates. A large one was removed and biopsied and I was diagnosed with genital warts! The large ones were treated surgically and the smaller ones with cryo. I have not had a recurrence since (about a year-and-a-half now). I have two issues. After poking around on Facebook, I've noticed that this man is engaged to be married. Should I contact his fianceé to warn her of this. as I know he gave them to me? Second issue is, I'm really paranoid now. I can't have sex for fear of passing this to anyone. I'm also afraid that they will recur down the road should my immune system go down (my doc said I will always have this now). Additionally I am really afraid that he also gave me a cancerous strain that just hasn't shown up yet. I do get my yearly pap exams. How do I deal with all this? -Worry Wart, West K

 

Dear Worry: You hint you have suffered from intense worry and anxiety for a long time -- before you had this unfortunate genital wart experience. Genital warts -- if the doc has truly removed them all -- don't generally pop up again. Don't confuse this condition with herpes, where every big stress can produce an unwanted blister. You might want to take some of the energy from your worrying and put it into extensive reading about your different situation. Your "paranoia" would also benefit from therapy and perhaps medication. As for warning your ex's fiancée, you might be doing her a service or she might go straight up the wall screaming at you for trying to ruin her marriage. Hopefully you have let your ex know what happened to you, and he got a face full of anger from you then. Perhaps he's had them looked at and taken care of. Call him and ask him as a preliminary step, and you might get a feel for what he has done or not done. If he has hidden it, you might want to call her. I would like to hear from my readers on whether they think you should phone her and tell her.

 

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition January 30, 2011 A52

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