Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Don't let Transit Tom drive your bus

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I hate my bus driver! We had a big sexual thang last all, for a week, and then he just stopped calling, and he wouldn't take my calls. For a long time he was gone from my route. Now he's back driving it again. I don't want to look at his face when I get on the bus in the morning especially when he gives me a fake courteous hello. I huff back to my seat and read a book, even though I don't see the flippin' pages. Why didn't he stay off my route? Do you think he wanted to see me again? He knows I'll be here. -- Get off My Turf, Buddy!

 

Dear Get Off: This Transit Tom may not have had a choice of route just now, or he may have thought you'd be long past caring about him. That IS the problem -- still caring about this player. Why not take an earlier bus and miss him entirely? End of problem. . . .We both know why you're not doing that already. A part of you is re-interested, wondering if he wants to see you again. Don't let him drive your engine again.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend is so depressed he just wants to end his life. He lost most of his "friends" when he broke up with his ex. He's tried to make friends with the people he works with, but they don't respond And, a lot of my friends are too immature. He's from out-of-province, and I'm really the only family he has here. When he's really down, he makes comments like, "I'll be happy when I'm six feet under," or "I hate living." I want him to get help, but we can't afford to pay for it. Everyday, I hate leaving for work because I'm scared it'll be the last time I see him. When he takes too long to answer a text, I wonder if he's alright. We've talked about us moving back to his hometown, but he's worried I'll hate him for taking me away from my family. Not the case! I've made it crystal clear I'd move. He's been on anti-depressants before -- hated it. Is there anyway or anywhere he could find friends that would actually be his friends and want to spend time with him? Is there anywhere he can go to get help? As well, I want to express how his ending his life would affect me. I'm apprehensive to tell him anything because I don't want him to think that I'm trying to make this about me. I love him so much. Please help me. -- Scared of Losing Him, Winnipeg

 

Dear Scared: Yes, talk to him about what his suicide would do to you. He may be so immersed in himself, it hasn't occurred to him. As for his problems, no one can ram medication down his throat; therapy is the only alternative. Psychiatrists are free with doctors' referrals. For free counselling Klinic has almost daily drop-in at 545 Broadway (784-4067 for hours). Go with him and wait. Since he has a hometown where friends and family are living, get that ball rolling, with enthusiasm now. Push him to set a date for the move this spring. Then both of you start looking for work, from here. As for suicidal depression resources: The Mood Disorders Association has great resources/contacts/support groups at 4 Fort St. near Assiniboine Ave. (786-0987). They also have a youth support group for people ages 15-25 Monday evenings from 6-730 p.m. The Crisis Stabilization Unit is for people who are suicidal (940-3633). Miserichordia Urgent Care is very helpful with a psych nurse on duty until 11 p.m. Call 788-8188 ahead. Finally, the Mobile Crisis Unit will come to your house (940-1781). The Klinic 24/7 crisis line is often busy but you can call the Manitoba Suicide Line at 1-877-435-7170. You could help decrease anxiety for both of you by starting a walking program. If you stay In Winnipeg, you could also join a baseball or Ultimate Frisbee team together, where people meet after games to socialize.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This letter from Popcorn All Gone is identical to my story. My boyfriend thought I was the greatest while dating and living together, and so I married him. After we had that piece of paper, we had our first fight. He felt trapped by marriage, and took it out on me. I could no longer cook good enough so we couldn't have people over. He took me around the house and showed me how to clean, which had never been a problem before. These are only a few of the controlling issues he exhibited. He never hit me, although the walls took a beating. Eventually he did hit our two-year-old son, and, at that point he realized he had stepped over the line and left me. I was emotionally and mentally abused. Popcorn needs to leave, because he will have to much pride to realize he has a problem and it will escalate. I am now married to a wonderful man and happy again. -- Happy Again

 

Dear Happy Again: People who get married and instantly feel trapped look for ways out that don't make them look like the bad guy. The guy in the letter form Popcorn No More started picking his bride apart and making her feel so self-conscious, she would feel she had to leave him. Your husband stepped past that kind of trick to verbal violence, destruction of property and striking his own toddler. Then, he could let himself out the door. If someone feels trapped -- even if it's three months after the marriage -- you try counselling and, if that doesn't work, open the door wide, and let him/her go.

 

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

 

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition April 11, 2011 D4

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