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Don't lie about back-lane lover

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Dear MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a single dad and my neighbour and I have had a great sex life nobody knew about until now. She would drive from her house across the street, down her lane and around and into my back lane and garage. I'd given her a garage door opener for my place. We have avoided all kinds of trouble with my ex-wife. She's an obsessive nut case and would raise hell if she knew my neighbour and I had a thing going. She always suspected an affair after catching us kissing at a big barbecue party. Not that my wife was true to me! That's why we're not together anymore. But now something very bad has happened. My teenage son, who lives with me, came home early from school and caught me in the bedroom with this woman. I hid her when I heard his keys at the door, but there was no way to get her to her car. He had something to eat while I tried to act casual. Then he looked at me and said, with contempt on his face, "So whose car is in the garage? It looks like Mrs. So-and-So's. Maybe you should get her out of here." Then he slammed the door as he went out. Question: What should I say to him and should I ask him not to mention this to his mother? -- Bad Dad, Winnipeg


Dear Bad Dad: Don't ask him to lie for you. That would be a far-reaching mistake that could mess your son up for a long time. So say nothing about what he should do or not do with regards to his mom. You will have to talk about this nonsense with the hidden car and the hidden lover, though, as soon as he will talk with you. You're setting a bad enough example by sneaking, and a worse example if she's a married woman. It's time to start matching your behaviour to the kind of behaviour you want to see from your son. His head must be spinning about now! The first halfway honourable thing you can do is tell him you don't expect him to lie and you know he must very angry with you. Promise him he won't ever have to worry about coming home and finding you in the house with this woman, as long as he lives with you. Then make other arrangements with her, or break it off if it's not serious. By the way, if you think the neighbours don't know, think again. They just don't say anything.


Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a crazy girlfriend who likes to try out new things. We recently came back from a weekend away with two other couples at a winterized cabin with a hot tub. I refused to take part in whatever went on when I was inside the cabin watching a movie, and they were out there playing sexy "party games" of some kind. I didn't want to go there. And yes, there was a lot of liquor involved. All I know is something went on in that hot tub that was sexual and the next day my girlfriend refused to tell me about it. All this week, she barely takes my calls and would make excuses to stop talking quickly. We had no date to hang out for this weekend and today I heard she was going back to that cabin with the same group. I wasn't invited. I feel all messed up inside. Does this mean it's over? I mean, we didn't break up, but it feels like it's over. -- Miserable, River Heights


Dear Miserable: Texted breakups are the ultimate in impersonal behaviour. But, if you're desperate... Look, it certainly sounds like it's over, and you need to know for sure if it is, so you can stop thinking about it every minute and maybe get some rest. So, ask your girlfriend point blank what's going on by phone or by text (if necessary) and ask if the relationship is over for her. If she says she doesn't know, you can tell her what you want. Maybe you still want to talk about things, or maybe you're so sick about this group thing, you just want to say goodbye and have it be over. This wild stuff is not your kind of scene, and she's part of it.


Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition April 3, 2011 A14

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