DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm still in shock. Yesterday evening my new male neighbour smacked me on the bum at a barbecue for the block. He'd had a few bottles of beer (quite a few) so I just let it pass. About half an hour later I see him smacking another woman on the behind as he went by her, and she whirled around and threw her red wine in his face and screamed at him. His wife came along quickly, saw the stain on his shirt and hustled him out immediately. She didn't look shocked, just grim. These are new neighbours and I don't know how much we want a bottom-smacking lecher in our midst. She seems to be a wonderful, well-educated woman, but his behaviour is bizarre -- drunk or not -- don't you think? Should we invite them back, or just see her once in a while? -- One of the Smackees, Fort Richmond
Dear Smackee: Give the woman a chance. She corralled her lecher and got him out of there quickly. It's unlikely she would even want to bring him back for a possible repeat performance. She clearly knew what the drink-in-the-face was all about and has probably had experience with this before. Be just as friendly to her as you were -- and invite her out to lunches and over for summer drinks, but take a pass on him. She will probably enjoy getting away from him to be in a social setting with the neighbourhood babes without having to worry about him and his wandering hands and, I'm guessing, his drinking problem. Something helps him lose his inhibitions, act inappropriately, and get himself in trouble.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex and I have been broken up for about a month now. Only a few days after we broke up, he fooled around with two chicks, dated one of my good friends for two days and THEN dumped her for another chick that he dated for a few weeks. He's single now. After our breakup, I only fooled around ONCE with one guy and that was it. I haven't been dating or anything. Anyways, a few days ago, my ex and I were texting, and he asked if me if that guy I fooled around with and I were still talking (this came out of nowhere) and he told me that it's weird talking to me now. He says he's despised me for a while now, because apparently I've "changed in a bad way." I asked how and he brought up my fooling around with that one guy. Why does he keep bringing up this situation with this guy? Is he trying to guilt-trip me or something? -- Don't Get It, Winnipeg
Dear Don't Get It: Why are you two counting up each other's sexual escapades? You can't heal wounds by keeping them open. This is exactly the reason why you don't text or phone or go looking for information from mutual friends after a breakup. You both need lots of time off, to get over the hurt, which is usually on both sides. There's still a painful lump in your chest a month after a breakup if you both cared a lot at one time. It's strange you know actual numbers of women he's been to bed with, or gone out with, and he knows you slept with this other guy. Have you been rubbing it in personally, or through messages sent through the grapevine? Either way, you must both stop now. Tell him you are finished with this nattering and texting, and will chat with him again when you're both settled and happy again, probably with new partners. Then, don't let him bait you into talking. He may be jealous, but that doesn't mean he loves you or wants you back. It's just an ownership thing -- he felt he owned you once and no one else should be able to have you now. He has lots of company in this silly thought pattern. Many people would prefer it if their exes sat on the shelf for the rest of their lives.
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