DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I overheard some girls at a downtown nightclub talking between stalls about stuff they were putting on that they'd just "boosted." I came out of the bathroom stall, washed my hands and said "You two are scuzzbags. I should call the police right now," and reached for my phone. One of them tried to grab my hair and pull me towards her, but I got away. My boyfriend hustled me out to the car. He said I was "taking my life in my hands doing something dumb like that!" I just wanted them to know they weren't impressing anybody and getting away with stealing. Who's right? -- Called Them On it, Winnipeg
Dear Called: Your boyfriend has a point. The word "scuzzbags" and the confrontational attitude brought you down to their level and made these thieves think that they could lay a beating on you. You should have raised one eyebrow, given them a disdainful look, and walked out with your head held high. They would have gotten the same message, but it wouldn't have been perceived as an invitation to a bathroom brawl. Security would have been very interested to know they were putting on stolen goods in the nightclub washroom. You could have alerted them.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My father-in-law is a creep and I finally stood up to him and told him so. He comes over to our place and tells my husband (his son) what to do and where to go and how to get there. He even swears at him, which is what brought out my heartfelt insult. I really meant it. I have disliked this mean-mouthed ignoramus since I was first introduced, and he spent his whole time staring at my big chest. He's a creep and a bully and I wouldn't trust our kids with him alone, should we have any. I'm thinking of asking my husband how he'd feel about moving to the Maritimes where my family lives. They are nice people but he's never met them in person (it was too expensive to come to our little wedding). They would love him, I know it. He does have a job here, but not a real career. I know where he could get a job with my brother. -- Gotta Get Outta Here, Transcona
Dear Gotta: If there's no job except working for one of your relatives, he probably won't feel good about it. What's really needed is a visit and a look around for work. Could you go for a two-week trip with job-hunting in mind for both of you? If you don't go until summer, family at home will have time to scout for both of you. It'd be fine if he got work with a friend of the family, just not the greatest if he ends up working for your dad or siblings. A guy needs a feeling of privacy and independence.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife's greatest desire is to be a famous film actress but she's not having much luck. I would like to do a short movie of her, in a period piece from the 1800s but I'm no actor. I'm a good short filmmaker however. I want her to act in a romantic scene since she is very sexy, but don't want any other guy touching her or kissing her. She's not interested in women (I asked her) so what else can I do? -- Jealous Guy, St. Boniface
Dear Jealous: Are you talking about a romantic scene or soft porn? A romantic scene from the 1800s doesn't involve much messing around. Surely you could tolerate longing looks and a kiss at the end. If not, you're off to acting school and you hire a guy for the camera work. Unfortunately you can't give your wife an acting career, though it's very sweet you'd like to try. Whatever you do, don't make a soft porn movie and put it online hoping it'll go viral and she'll get famous. That won't help her career, or your resumé either.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email email@example.com