Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Don't waste any more time on immature mama's boy

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend and I moved in together, just 10 minutes from his mom's house, in August. We thought it'd be a joyful experience. He was so good to me -- took, me out, doted on me, just loved being with me. But when we moved into the house, he started drinking and smoking weed every day, with his friends always visiting. His mom took a key without asking and came over every day worrying if he had his lunch made for work (he's 25), laundry was getting done, and we had enough food. I didn't always want to cook when I came home after work (I wanted a quick workout) but he hated it if I didn't start something for him. His mom catered to him; he'd yell at me for the way I did his laundry or prepared food. He quit going to the gym, and started drinking in the garage on Friday nights with single friends -- loud and belligerent -- then sleeping in Saturdays. He never wanted to take me out anymore, because of house expenses. . . . I just moved out, but I saw him again and we held each other and talked. He still wants me back and said he would change. I want to believe it but I think he would have to change too much. He told me he will always smoke pot. Did I make the right choice? Should I move on? Is there any way I can salvage this? --Was I Right? Winnipeg

Dear Right: Don't ever live with that boy again and play the Mama role! This is how he sees any woman sharing a house with him -- as his personal servant. It's not easy after most break-ups, but you had to do what you did, so stick to it. Don't go back and have to learn the painful lessons twice. There is no way you can salvage this. He is so immature and badly spoiled he can only love a woman from a distance, and he will make a poor husband. You have had the full experience of this, so don't waste more time. Put up with a little loneliness and find a guy who doesn't need drugs, Mommy, drinking, and pampering. Find yourself a grown up man.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: About six miles down the road a single man lives, that I really like. He has a country acreage and I am a widow. I'm beginning to have needs for a man's affection again. I took him a neighbourly pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving and he had me in for drinks and conversation. Exciting things happened later that night that I can't forget. But, there was a picture on the bedside table of a woman and I asked him who that was and he said, "You wouldn't want to know" and turned it face down. I saw him in the local store last weekend with a woman who looked like her. He said a quick hello and I heard her ask him, "Who's that?" Do you think that was his girlfriend, or maybe his best buddy or sister? I was thinking of going there to see him again. I am pretty lonely out here and work in the city, but I have dogs who need the freedom. -- Wanting Him, Bedroom Community near Winnipeg

Dear Wanting: Men don't keep private photos by their beds of their female buddies unless they have the secret hots for them. By saying "You don't want to know" he made it clear she was his significant other, not his sister. But, you are so lonely you now want to look the other way. Your rural situation might have suited you when your husband was alive but it is isolating you now and making you think unrealistically and act unwisely. It's time for you and your pooches to move to a more single-friendly situation, like a place at the edge of the city where your dogs still have room but you can be part of a life that brings you in contact with other adult singles. Even now, you could join a singles activity club like Adventures for Successful Singles (775-3484) and drive in for events and get-togethers. It would be a start and you need to take your focus off this man who is obviously taken, and who has not called you since the Thanksgiving intimacy. The only advantage to him is being handy, but if he's not available, that means nothing.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 23, 2011 D8

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