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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Don't worry what others think, you've got to leave this guy, now
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was sweeping the cement driveway last week and my British-born husband was telling me everything I was doing wrong. Then he yelled at me,"You stupid cow. Give me that!" I jabbed him below the belt with the broom. He grabbed the broom and hit me back really hard across the back and I screamed. The neighbours in their yard yelled over, "I'll call 911 for you" and I said, "No, please don't" and ran in the house. My husband came in behind me and I locked myself in the bathroom out of fear. Through the door he said I had embarrassed him in front of the neighbors and he'd had enough of me and my bad temper, and was moving out. He was away for the whole weekend. Then he just came back and was there when I got home. "Don't ever do that again," he said, "or I'll be gone for good." When I asked him where he stayed he said "I went where I went." He has no friends or relatives here. Do you think he has another woman? I can't stand him now, but I'd be too embarrassed to get divorced twice. What would everybody think? -- Hating Him Now! Winnipeg
Dear Hating Him: If you were dating, you'd never see the guy again, and he wouldn't call you either. What are you tied by? Fear of other people's disapproval? Losing money in a break-up? Chances are good some of the people you know didn't like the guy either, and will be closer to you when he's gone. "People" won't think about it much at all. They're too busy thinking about their own problems to tsk-tsk over your getting divorced, again. You and this man are a bad pair -- violent, out of love, irritated and disgusted with each other. And yes, there could be another woman considering how fast he could find lodging for a weekend. The good thing? You have no children. Since there's no love lost if you break up, think about it.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Four months ago, I had my second miscarriage, and the baby was more than four months old. My husband and I have been trying to cope with our loss with help of any resources we could find. We had high hopes of this baby joining us and our other two children. But now our mothers have joined forces. We admit we were suffering from our loss and weren't getting along, which is why we made a mutual agreement with our mothers for customary care arrangement (of the two existing children). We pay child support and help in any way possible. I'm so overwhelmed with the back-stabbing. Our mothers make us look we're unfit, depressed, crazy people. It was embarrassing going through a mental evaluation. We passed as being normal and were told we scored being mild symptoms of depression -- normal with what we've been through. I may also add our mothers never liked our relationship. Please advise. -- Stressed out by Mommy Dearests
Dear Stressed: You gave your existing children over to the grandmother(s) and are not looking after them yourself, presumably because you're so upset about the miscarriage. Or, did this actually happen sooner? You say you and your husband are both, "normal for the situation." Yet, you still don't talk about taking your existing children home now that the crisis is passed. Support money doesn't replace your daily love and attention as parents. Maybe there's a good reason the people who have the kids are upset and making trouble for you now. Have you been denied the kids because of previous bad behaviour or neglect? Do the kids' grandmothers want to keep the children they've been raising for months now and fear what lies ahead? Why do both mothers disapprove of the relationship you have with this man? Any addictions involved in this scenario? Write back and tell the whole story. This one is full of holes.
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 22, 2010 D5
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