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Face facts: you're not the belle of his fetish ball

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DEAR Miss Lonelyhearts: I think my boyfriend has gotten in with the fetish crowd and I want him back. I heard a rumour he was kinky even before we got together, and that he "ran away from that group" with me -- and then got sucked back in. His ex-girlfriend was a scary piece of work. I intend to go and find him at one of their functions and bring him back to his senses. What if he wears his face covered and I can't even see him for looking at him? No matter what he's done I will forgive him, as I want him back. I love him. He needs to be stabilized and brought back home to live a sensible life again. I've tried phoning him and emailing him but he doesn't get back to me. -- Best Girl For Him, outside Winnipeg

Dear Best Girl: This guy doesn't belong to you. If he's old enough to go to the fetish ball, he's old enough to know who and what he wants, and apparently it isn't you. Don't bend yourself out of shape by trying to dress "in costume" for an event you don't sincerely want to attend. Accept the fact that he's finished with you and the life you represent, and you're not the best girl for him, in his opinion. It only takes one negative vote for a romantic veto and you must accept that.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a gorgeous woman on a dating site and she was local -- yahoo! She was only into "having fun" and, when I invited her over, she arrived in a long fur coat and lingerie. We had a great time and then, as she was getting her boots on to go out to her cab, I asked her for her phone number. After all we did together, she was not handing it out! She said, "I told you this was a one-time thing and just for fun and I wasn't kidding. I said, "Well, I REALLY like you and I have to see you again," and she said. "Then that will cost you $500. "You could have knocked me over with a feather. Was she a hooker? Why was she free the first time? I am so messed up thinking about it. Was the first night just a sample? I told her I'd message her again if I wanted more, and off she went into the night. What happened? -- Head is Spinning, St. James

Dear Spinning: Unless you want to get mixed up with call girl sex, you'd best think about taking a different road. Dating sites do attract a fair number of hookers and you clearly found yourself one. She wasn't kidding about the fee attached. You didn't hear a gigglefest after she mentioned her price. Let's hope you used ample protection, and you now should get tested,

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran away from the second girlfriend in my life and it was a big mistake. She was the right one for me but too young. We never even had sex. I often dream about what it would have been like to have sex with her. I broke up with her and broke her heart and she married another guy. Now I find out she's single again and she looks really hot on her Facebook page. I'd like to reconnect because I'm recently separated. If she doesn't want to see me as a serious relationship l'd really like to get with her, if you know what I mean. I'd like to make that fantasy come true. How should I approach it? -- Curious, St. Norbert

Dear Curious: You broke her heart once and chances are she won't let that happen again. The fact that you want her primarily to fulfil an old sexual fantasy about her isn't very appetizing. She won't be excited about that idea if you express it. Also, you're a separated guy -- the most unstable type of person in the dating and mating world. Separated guys are likely to run back again to wife and family, or to want a period of freedom, and come running back. It's highly likely you'd find her a lot more appetizing as a date mate than she'd find you. Having said that, it's always worth a try. A lot of old loves have reconnected on Facebook or at reunions and are happy as can be together again. Sometimes our first choices in mates are better because they come from a bigger pool of winning single people, with their dreams and ambitions intact.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 5, 2012 A1

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