DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband bought his Superman Halloween costume early and he was very excited. He's been casually wearing it around the house (just the top and cape, not tights). He's a fat Superman. I have to run in the bathroom and giggle because he looks like an eight-year-old. The other day I said sarcastically, "Would you like me to bring you some Cheerios and comic books, dear?" He gave me a fierce look. I guess I stepped on something, but he looks so silly. How would he feel if I wore my fairy costume with a tutu around the house? I'm close to 200 pounds and he's close to 250. -- Not Ready For Prime Time Fantasy, South End Winnipeg
Dear Not Ready: Well, you succeeded in making him feel self-conscious after he showed he felt absolute trust in you not to mock his fantasy of himself. How can that be a good thing? People still are partly children deep down inside, especially surrounding their wishes and dreams. Kids often try on their Halloween costumes if they fancy them, a few times before Halloween and careen around the house in them. At least he's not jumping off the kitchen table trying to fly. Look, dolly, it's time you loosened up a little. It wasn't worth destroying that perfect trust he had in you and now you'll be on the lookout out for a return insult. It may never happen, but now the possibility is there. You might try to soften this with a carefully-worded apology that doesn't have the words "but you brought it on yourself" in the middle of it. An apology is supposed to be straight-ahead "sorry," not a justification of the act.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm on the flip side of this lady who has a husband who drinks and she's scared to have a baby with him. I've been married five years. I have a stable job and a loving, kind husband. I'm 35 and we are very comfortable with our life. I'm just not 100-per-cent sure I would like a child, and yet I fear regretting not having one later. What do you think I should do? How do you know when you are ready? -- Scared But Excited About a Bunting.
Dear Scared But Excited: Older people who get pregnant accidentally often find they are quite willing to give up leisure time for the delightful bunting, even though they had become pretty selfish. What kind of role modelling do you come from? Do you think you'd be a good mom -- or a cold and selfish mom? How about your man? At 35 you need to make a decision soon. This is a decision that affects your future for many years, which can be a lovely plan, if you end up with a family and another generation after that of grandkids. But, some couples just want to keep on enjoying their total freedom. That's a different kind of choice. Frankly, one child doesn't make that big a difference to your lifestyle, if travel and movement are high values. You may only have time for one anyway, as it can take longer to get pregnant as you get older.
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