Figure out why you don't want attachment

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 18 and still a virgin and it's driving me crazy. When I had the opportunity to lose it to a boyfriend I knew, I was much too young. Since then I've had the opportunity numerous times, but not to someone I was in a relationship with. I don't want to lose my virginity to a random guy, because it's a big deal for me, and I don't want to get attached. But I do not have a boyfriend, and there is no one worthwhile in the picture. The problem is I know I'm ready and VERY sexually frustrated. I want to have a sexual relationship with a guy, and am ready to get my first time over with. It's embarrassing. I realize I am still very young, but I do not know very many virgins, and most guys are freaked out when they find out. What do I do? -- Horny as Hell.

Dear H: Why don't you want a relationship at 18 that would merit a loving first experience? What you're looking for is difficult to find -- a warm, caring sexy situation with a guy who'll conveniently get lost and leave you free afterwards. Young men have hearts and feelings that can get hurt, too. Maybe it's time to accept the situation that exists. Identify the reason why you don't want attachment -- fear of getting hurt, big travel plans, wanting to move cities for further education -- and accept you won't have a relationship-with-sex until you get counseling, travel or relocate. You could always visit a sex shop to buy a vibrator and speak with a counsellor/clerk about care and proper usage.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a kinky married man who is haunting my dreams. We had a secret relationship years ago when I was first dating my husband. This man is married to a "very straight woman." My guy knows nothing about him. A week ago I had the occasion to meet my lover's wife face-to-face, and she was nothing like what he described. She was wearing exotic goth-inspired, expensive clothing. The lightbulb went on. I think he may have lied to me. Now I wonder how many silly little chicks like me were his kink initiates. My dream is always the same. We are all in the same room and he is choosing one of us from a police lineup to spend the night with him. What does this mean? I can't get it out of my head and my dreams. -- Obsessed By Dream, Winnipeg

Dear Obsessed: The lineup of criminals is clearly you and the other women you now suspect helped this guy cheat on his wife, but there's a deeper message, so I found you a dream expert. Here's an interpretation for you from psychic Mary Wilson who's hosted her own dream analysis shows; "It has nothing to do with the ex-lover and his bad behaviour, but it's about her being a cheater. Her subsconscious is trying to release her from guilt, but warning her, 'If you do the crime, you do the time.' This is a higher authority telling her to knock it off. She's in two relationships again in her mind. Everybody lies if they cheat, and her subconscious is saying she's not being true to her life. You not only betray your husband, but you betray your sisters, and she's feeling that now, after meeting the wife."

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press,1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 21, 2010 A52