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This article was published 25/10/2009 (2647 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Here comes Halloween again, and my husband will be using it as an excuse to dress up like a woman. The last four Halloweens he has gone to the same neighborhood party dressed as a sexy woman/tramp in different wigs and garb and suspiciously well-put-on make-up. Believe me, I don't offer to help, but neighbours think I do. I keep expecting him come out of the closet, but he doesn't. I suspect he must be going other places to dress up, but have no idea where and don't care to follow him there. Our sex life is poor since he started competing with me to be the best-looking woman. He once made a remark to that effect, so I know he compares us. And yes, he looks very good as woman -- too good -- and everyone exclaims about it at the parties and gives me odd looks. He laps it up. Help me, please!
-- Can't Stand It, South End
Dear Can't: You can ask him before Halloween, or break out into hives thinking about it when he dresses up as a hot-looking babe for the fifth time. You really need to know how far this cross-dressing extends in his life. If he's attending private parties or functions without you, find out now. Obsessing about it and seething with resentment is destroying your sex and love life. On the hopeful side, your imagination may be far worse than reality. Perhaps Halloween is the only time he likes to let his feminine side out to play. Could you handle that if it's only once a year? If not, you must decide what you need to do.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a big problem with my boyfriend keeping me up. He stays up all night playing video games and watching TV and goes to sleep when I'm just waking up to go to work. It's once in a blue moon I find him sleeping next to me when I'm waking up for work. I always ask him to sleep during the night and not all day. But, when I tell him it keeps me awake at night and I don't like it, we always end up getting into a argument and he gets angry and upset. It's like this for almost a whole year. Now he's making remarks like calling me "boss" or "commander." What should I do? I can't continue!
-- Sleepless Nights, Winnipeg
Dear Sleepless: It's time to stop asking for so little and start being the commander of your own life again, no apologies. He's not even a good boytoy, or a friendly cuddler, because he's on the opposite bedtime pattern. He probably doesn't care that he's disturbing your sleep because he's feeling guilty. You don't mention HIS job. Does he work evenings, or not at all? It seems part of him would like to torpedo your job and bring you down to his level. And, be aware he already uses anger to shut you up. That's only the beginning of abuse that could come down the pike. Think about this: When do you have a personal life with him where you talk and laugh and do things outside the house together? That's what other couples are enjoying. Why not you? It's a bad idea to continue with this uncaring oaf, and a waste of your life. Start making plans to get your own little apartment and sublet the one you have, or have him move his clothes and video games out, and ask one of your girlfriends to move right in and help you with the rent.
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