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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Find out why husband's friend wants to break you up
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I haven't been married long and his best friend told me recently that he only married me because I was the last resort. This is really upsetting and I don't know what to do. Should I ask my husband if it's true or should I leave it alone? Need some advice! -- Just Wondering, Winnipeg
Dear Wondering: What is your husband's best friend after -- your body? Or is he jealous of the time you spend with your husband and wants to divide and conquer. If he can set you against your husband, will he get back his best buddy? Is it possible he has a crush on your husband himself? And why does he hate you so? Do you bad mouth him? When a person sets out to blow your world apart, you must first find out why he is trying to light that fuse. Don't repeat the horrible words he said to you, as it's not something you want to get around. But do start asking friends what is up with this guy. Study him like a dung beetle. Research how he thinks, how he behaves with your husband and other friends, and why he's such a nasty troublemaker. Then write me back and I'll help you make a plan to confront the your frenemy.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: OK, I can't help but feel like the two-week fling. I started dating a guy whom I've known for a while as friends, just before summer ended. He treated me very well. After the second week, I had the urge to sleep with him. Everything was fine until school started up, with his evening programs and my evening meetings. Well, now we have no time with each other and he doesn't seem to want to bother with me -- except when the weekend arrives. I'm willing to let go of some evening meetings just to make time to see him, because I really like him. But, I feel all he's ever wanted was to sleep with me. It's causing me insanity! -- Not Facing Possible Truth? Winnipeg
Dear Truth: The truth is meetings and classes don't go on forever and some tired students turn into raunchy rabbits from 10 to midnight every night. But you're not feeling the love, and five nights out of seven, you're not feeling this guy's lovemaking either. You just get basic sexual release after five days of nothing. And where's the rest of the relationship -- the long talks, movies, dinners and parties with friends? Trust your gut. There's nothing emotionally warm happening between you. Read the book He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrent and Liz Tuccillo if you need that point hammered home. When you're in bed alone thinking, ask yourself what you like so much in this guy you can't get somewhere else. Surely a more compatible guy would be dying to see little ol' you. Don't settle for this, when another guy could be a natural fit.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts; This is in response to Ready to Quit, St. Vital I, too, have tried the online dating route. I've met a few men, but nothing beyond an initial meeting or being friends. I've discovered once meeting them that their picture is outdated, some by as much as 10 years! They also indicate they're of average or athletic build, which turns out to be contradictory. It's good to have a picture, because it's what initially grabs your attention -- and from there, you view their profile to see if there are some common interests and maybe you start communicating. Physical chemistry is important so posting a recent picture is too. We want to know what you look like not what you looked like years ago. We all have a digital camera or know someone who does so get an up-to-date photo. I've been on both free dating sites and sites where there is a fee with the same experience. I'm a good-looking 50ish woman, searching for a man of my age. He doesn't need to be rich, he doesn't have to be perfect, just perfect for me. -- Looking For Options
Dear Looking: When you go duck hunting, you go where the ducks are. But when women go hunting for a man to love, they often go where other women are. Men are interested in politics and sports and car racing and running and cycling and scuba diving and jumping out of air planes. The tamer ones love golfing and skiing and watching games at sports bars. For years I have been telling women to go where the men are plentiful, and they don't. Why is that? It's only sensible! At least give it a whirl, girl!
Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email lovecoach@hotmail.com
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition October 29, 2010 D4
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