DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met this wonderful man in 2005. We dated two years before getting married. We are both over 50 and in our second marriages. We had a good sex life before getting married and I indicated to him how important this part of the relationship is. Never did he tell me that he did not find sex very appealing. Once married, the sex was left by the wayside unless I initiated it. I've tried to discuss the situation. He wants to know what I get out of sex! I tell him it makes me feel closer, desirable (when he initiates) and I see it as a demonstration of love between a husband and wife. I tell him that it feels like we are only room-mates. It has now been over a year and a half since we had sex. I've asked him to talk to the doctor. He said he's never been really interested in sex! I wonder why not. I did find magazines of gays that he said "somebody gave me." Could I have mistaken a gay man for a straight? -- Lonely in a Sexless Marriage, Winnipeg
Dear Sexless Marriage: Straight guys don't keep gay magazines around the house, or accept them as gifts. Unfortunately, you fell for a man who hid the truth of his full sexuality from you. It seems he's a closeted bisexual who may enjoy the comfort of marriage and a home with a mom figure to look after him. Sex may be important to him to catch a woman, but he's not crazy about sex with women otherwise. Bid this room-mate adieu and tell him to live his bisexual life truthfully, from now on, while you look for a straight man who'll desire you and love you. Your husband may find he's even further down the homosexual continuum, once he comes out. So, why was he a good lover to you before he got married, you may wonder? You were still a challenge to win, so sex gave him a bit of a tingle. Now, here's the worst part: This man had an up-and-functioning sex drive before he stopped having sex with you, so it's likely he still does. He's too satisfied with getting nothing from you. That probably means he's getting it somewhere else with a man or a woman. You're past 50. Don't waste any more time with him -- pack it in.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am amazed at the public ignorance about excessive intestinal gas. One of the systematic indicators of colon cancer is excessive gas production by the afflicted party. The cause of this can be varied, but one reason is blood is being let into the large intestine due to some variant of disease. There is no finer nutritive material than blood and the natural bacteria of the large bowel will literally grow tremendously in its presence -- hence much more gas than should be normal. This man does not need Beano; he needs to go to his physician now! I am a cancer survivor and I do not want to be histrionic, but colon cancer is nothing to be left over time. Whatever his doctor decides will be for his longevity and hopefully his office companions comfort. -- Survivor Advice, Riverview
Dear Survivor: Thanks for your response. Letters of help based on first-hand experience are most valuable. Yours is a possible scenario, as are other situations that have been suggested. One thing is obvious: this co-worker should be encouraged to get this possibility checked out. Point to ponder: Most people don't want to be expelling gas in public or in an enclosed office space, and this fellow is dealing with much more gas than normal. It's interesting he seems insensitive to the problem himself. A little shakeup is in order, to heck with the feelings factor. The afflicted party may need medical help, and quickly.
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