Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Get boyfriend out of your clothes, into his own

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend and I are the same size waist and I have a boyish build, except on top. I wear guy's jeans. He has started wearing some of my denim clothes -- mostly my designer jeans and it is really creeping me out. He says "you can wear anything of mine you want." I don't want his farmer shirts. I want my own stuff and I don't want him wearing it. He now wears my jackets, too. He's not wearing my underwear, at least. He's just wearing my clothes because they're stylish. How do I get him to stop? -- Raided, Wolseley

Dear Raided: Next time he puts on your clothes, tell him to take them off. Wait stubbornly until he gives you back your clothes. Grim face. Dead serious. Be difficult. Tell him this will happen each and every time he raids your half of the closet. The clothes exchange is just not happening, ever again. What you can do is offer to take him shopping for new clothes of his own so he has some nice-looking duds. If money is a problem, hit the deep discount places with him that women know so well and most guys who shop like the wind, don't have a clue about.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend and I live together and we romantically started out with a joint account and rent by percentage of income. That was fine until my guy got angry, told his lady boss to shove it, and quit his job back in February. Now he's just working under the table and gives me what he can -- the same percentage as before when he made more money than me. It's real easy for him now and he's starting to like the light financial load. He helps himself to the joint account when he wants and now it's mostly made up of my money. Oh, did I mention he gambles in his free time? I make decent money with the government but this isn't fair. I hate this and he's turning me off sexually. Last night a girlfriend said she'd be glad to move into the other bedroom and pay half. My boyfriend says he doesn't want her around. What to do? -- So Unhappy, West End

Dear Unhappy: Consider taking in the girlfriend who's willing to pay half. The boyfriend will probably tell you off when your new roomie moves in against his wishes, but my prediction is you're one fight away from breaking up at this point anyway. How about asking him to move home or in with a friend, before the girlfriend arrives? That would be the most upfront and honest way, and more comfortable for your new roomie. If you just can't do that -- or aren't sure you want to yet -- have her move in, accept her generous offer, and when he starts complaining (you know he will) have the big talk and help him pack. And, it's time to stop that joint account nonsense, especially since he's gambling.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm so embarrassed. I'm a young teacher of very young teens. Recently I went to the bathroom and came back with my skirt tucked into the back of my pantyhose and the kids ---- high school students -- snickered for at least five minutes, while I walked around the room and used the board. Finally one of the few girls in the class ran up and whispered in my ear. I sidestepped out the door and fixed the problem and came back and tried to make light of it, but they would just not settle down, so I asked, "Why did you let this go on when you knew it would be an embarrassment for me? I would not have done that to you." One of them replied "Because you're the teacher" in a mocking voice. What did that mean, that I am there to be laughed at? That if something bad happens to me, they should make it worse? I've spent all week wondering if I want to even be a teacher anymore. This is a tough class I'm teaching. I'm in so much stress, I feel nauseous half the time. -- Broken-hearted New Teacher

Dear Broken-hearted: How old are these kids? You hint at junior high. That can be the toughest age. Maybe this is just the wrong grade for you at this point, and younger kids might be a better place to start out. Don't give up if you can move to an age of children who are likely to be kinder, and like the teacher, instead of wanting to see her fail. Talk with experienced teachers about what happened and how to handle such things. Is your principal sympathetic and helpful, or would this problem be seen as a sign of weakness? If teaching might still be your passion, give it another year in a new situation. You might find yourself enjoying younger children and be really glad you didn't throw in the towel.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 14, 2011 G9

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