Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Get out, leave husband with his ex-wife's photos, clothes

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My significant other and I have been together for 10 years. He was widowed for over 15 years after an unhappy, bitter marriage with his wife who left him for another man. After several years she passed away. After all these years, he continues to retain her clothing in his closet. He recently removed her photos from the album and placed them in the bedroom. This makes me feel uncomfortable for reasons I can't face. I feel threatened by a dead person, and I'm ashamed because I'd like top billing. I'm unable to raise the subject with him as it's taboo. Obviously, it was so important for him to retain the clothing and display the photos,. but what does this all mean to you. -- Still in the Closet

Dear "Still In the Closet": This man is a manipulator. It's not like he had a happy, loving marriage with his wife. It's his way of keeping you out, of saying you're OK for sex and companionship but he doesn't want a real relationship with you. The clothes and now the photos are his silent way of saying "I am crowding you out of my life" and you better not say anything about it. So do what he wants -- go! You should have run out long ago, when you first saw the clothing in the closet. You need to get counselling for yourself (not as a couple) immediately and for as long as it takes, so you can let go of this unhealthy relationship.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts; I've been with my husband for many years. I think he may have had an affair at work -- a friend let it slip. When we go out to meet them, there's this girl there and he brings a male friend along for her. My husband acts like he's with me at first, but then leaves me sitting there and asks that chick to go outside with him. I've even heard her near him at his breaks (over the phone) and when I go looking for him, he's nowhere to be found. He has even made very sexual suggestions to my very close friend. -- Fed Up Lovesmenot, Winnipeg

Dear Lovesmenot: Turn on the lights! You have a husband who's heavily flirting with people right under your nose, and most likely having sex. What does it take to make you say, "Enough! You're out of here!" This man is just cruising to get caught by bringing his woman to the bar with a fake date to attend the same events with you. Other wives would have hit the roof by now. So why are you really hanging on? Must you catch him in the act to know your marriage is over? (Good luck!) Or, are you dependent on him financially? Write back and be upfront with those reasons. Then I can really help you.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Wpg, R2X 3B6, or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 4, 2010 C7

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