Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Get out of doghouse, stand on hind legs
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm writing from the doghouse. My new wife caught me in a compromising position with a woman we had invited to my birthday party. My wife (my second one) hasn't slept with me in nine months. This woman offered me a birthday kiss in the upstairs hallway that ended up as a bit of mash-up in the large linen closet across from the bathroom. I guess we were kind of noisy. We weren't having sex or anything, just thrashing about. My wife pulled open the door, yanked me out and screamed at the woman: "Get out of my house, you $%#*." We have been married five years, no desire for kids. Should I make it up to my wife, or just leave? The doghouse is feeling strangely comfortable, because she doesn't talk to me at all. At this rate, I think she might kick me out. By the way, liquor was involved, and I have tried to use that as my excuse, as in "wouldn't have done it otherwise, yada, yada." To tell you the truth, I'm not very sorry. -- Doghouse Forever? Winnipeg
Dear Doghouse: Get out of that doghouse, stand on your hind legs, and bark. Now that you have a silent audience, why not say the things that are really on your mind? You have nothing to lose but your indifference. Start with this: "What I did was wrong and I'm sorry for that. But, let's look at our whole relationship which has gotten into serious trouble most of the last year. You and I have not made love or even had maintenance sex for nine months. What are the problems keeping us apart? We are living like roommates and I'm feeling rejected and disappointed and physically frustrated. This woman offered me a birthday kiss and I went along with it and let myself get carried away and go with her in that closet. We need to go for counselling, or agree to disagree and say goodbye as fairly and amicably as we can. What we're doing now is not working."
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm replying to the comments about the bullying websites and what some people had to say about it. I think it's interesting people are saying those up on the sites deserve to be there. As if it's their duty to "down talk" another person for all to see their "true colours." We all make mistakes; we are only human and no one is perfect. Let the person that's never sinned throw the first stone, right? As for comments about how someone who's getting bullied probably did something to tick someone off, that's not valid either. I'd be posting all day long if I wanted to tell people about how some person screwed me over. The point is you must let go of this situation and go on with your life -- not hold a grudge and never really deal with it, and instead just try to "expose" a person. Do you know how many times I've heard rumours about the nicest people? In the end I found out the person posting about them was just jealous and talking trash. -- Fed Up With Bullying Sites
Dear Fed Up: If everyone boycotted bullying sites, they would shut down. But, too many people like to see other people suffer from a distance, by being on computers where you can often use a false name. The coming social networks requiring people to use their own names and stand behind everything they say are a change for the better. It remains to be seen if they will be embraced or not. One thing we know for sure -- if they succeed, they will attract a higher quality of people, those who are not afraid to stand behind what they say.
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Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 1, 2011 D4
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