DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met this wonderful, smart, and beautiful woman from my work. Everything is great, except she just got out of a two-year relationship with this guy when she found out he was hiding a serious drug addiction. He managed to ruin her house, steal her money and break her vehicle. As she tries to put her life back on track, she asked me if I can help her out with some house repairs. I was flattered to help and I got the work done. I think there's chemistry between the two of us, but don't want to make the wrong move. She's referred to me as "Baby." "Sexy," "Honey" and we've flirted by text. One night, she texted me if there was anything she can do for me in return for the work I done. I simply told her no charge, just glad to help out. One afternoon, she invited me to her house and showed me her room. I said, "This must be where the magic happens." She then said "I don't know, I would hurt you right now." What did that mean? Was this a sexual advance? Although I'm physically attracted to her, I'm not looking to get into a serious relationship right now. All I want is to hang out and have fun. Is she waiting for me to make the first move or just using me? -- Willing and Able, Winnipeg
Dear Willing: Believe people when they tell you things about themselves. "I don't know; I would hurt you right now" means she's so mixed up she doesn't know who or what she wants. She misses the sexual magic, but is honest enough to tell you she's not ready to play around, and has no positive emotions to give to anybody. She's fragile enough she can't even handle casual sex. Having a guy working around the house is enough, for now. So come over again on some Mr. Fix-It excuse in a few weeks -- left a tool in the basement -- and say to her eyeball-to-eyeball: "Look, I really like you, I think you're fantastic. When you get to the point you're ready to see a guy, call me at this number. Then write our your name and number on a fairly big piece of paper -- not a tiny scrap that could get lost -- and stick it on the fridge with a big grin. Then say "We could go out for dinner and a movie." Then you've covered all bases -- appreciation, willingness, contact info and what she could expect on a first date with you. Then leave it alone. Don't call to say hi. Let her miss you. Get busy with your own social life. Have a great summer and see if she calls you. If she's interested enough to show you the bedroom, she'll probably be back to show you the sheets.
Dear Readers; We got a lot of response to the letter from Broken-Hearted, a young woman in her first year of teaching whose class let her walk around with her skirt caught in her pantyhose and mocked her, instead of telling her. Here's a helpful letter sent in this week:
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Tell Broken-Hearted not to give up on teaching because of this first mean class. Kindness is taught. Take a few minutes each day in the classroom to talk about kindness. Talk about what you have read in the newspaper, heard on the news, seen in your own classroom or outside in the community. These young people might come from homes where thinking of others and kindness are not a priority. I'm sure others in the class might have spoken up, but peer pressure can be strong. Don't give up, think of this as a teaching opportunity. Perhaps you could even work in some projects or reports on kindness, thoughtfulness etc. This is a great opportunity to make a difference. -- Taught 25 years, Winnipeg