Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 1/12/2011 (2003 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband just told me, in an unguarded moment, that his new assistant used to be "a friend of his." He'd had a few drinks and was on his way into the bathroom, singing Sexual Healing in anticipation of same. He doesn't realize I know him so well I remember what "used to be a friend' means. He once told me all the women friends in his life were sex buddies at some point or another "unless they're dead ugly." I know who this assistant woman is, and she's hot. Being the nasty bee-yotch I am, I said, "Well, since it's confession time, I might as well tell you that a guy on the board I just joined, used to be a friend of mine." He stopped dead in his tracks. "You don't mean that," he said. I said yes. (The difference is MY friend was a platonic friend because I don't need to jump every man I befriend). Now he's all huffy. Should I tell the truth or keep him wondering? -- Tit for Tat, Selkirk
Dear Tat: Chances are he told you about this "ex-friend" because he didn't have any designs on her and felt free to mention her. It could be he's matured since he made the original statement about women friends, or maybe he told you as a way to ensure he didn't start flirting with this old friend. He came clean with you, so you should do him the favour of easing his mind. Besides, if he thinks you might be messing around, the door might open for him to mess around.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a cyclist and a weightlifter and proud of my strong thighs. Last night, as we were getting undressed, my wife said, "Don't you think those thighs are a bit over-developed? I think you should ease off for a bit, or you're going to be bow-legged." I felt that like a chop to the gut. Part of the reason I train hard is to turn her on and make her excited about me. I felt like a piece of meat that didn't pass inspection. If I had said to her, "Don't you think your pectorals are getting a little over-developed and your breasts are too high?" it would be just as ridiculous. ---- Self-Conscious Now, St. James
Dear Self-Conscious: She remarked on your legs in a detached way, like she was your trainer -- an insensitive comment. Unfortunately, offhand put-downs happen on occasion in long-term relationships. Tell her that comment hurt and that working out is something you do partly to honour her and your sex life. Then ask the question you suggested about pecs. She may laugh and say, "That wouldn't bother me" to which you will say," OK, let's just agree not to judge each other's bodies anymore, unless it's a positive thing."
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