Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

He didn't rape you; you were too lazy to say no

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I had unwanted sex with a guy because he was begging me, and then afterwards I felt it was not something I really wanted. I felt forced because he broke down my resistance. I just finally gave in after all that begging and took him down the hall to my bedroom to get it over with, so he'd go home. It was a charity thing, if you know what I mean. I wouldn't have done it with him if he hadn't begged and seemed so pathetic. Is breaking down resistance a form of rape? -- Just Wondering, Winnipeg

Dear Wondering: No. This was certainly not rape and not something you would want to send anyone to jail for. It was your decision. You weren't forced; you were too lazy to take him to the door and say bye-bye. He may have bugged you until you DECIDED it was easier to say yes than to say no, but he didn't force you. You also called it a "charity" thing -- giving your body to him and taking his -- inferring you felt sorry for him. That's no reason to have sex.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother says I'm an odd duck and I guess I am. I don't like sports or other typical male stuff, but I'm 100-per-cent heterosexual. My style of woman is what bothers her. I like mannish women, always have. I love big eyes and little-boy hair cuts on women. I like them in pants and shirts and ties and suit jackets -- think it looks awfully cute. But, make no mistake. I like the "me-man, you-woman" thing when we're being intimate. In case you're wondering, I wear men's clothes. My mom says it's like watching two men come up the walk. She's worried, like: "What have I brought up here?" My mother is ultra-feminine Dolly Parton-ish and I think she looks garish. So what do I tell her? -- Popeye (I Yam What I Yam.)

Dear Popeye: Your aversion to Mom's ultra-frilly Dolly Parton look may have brought about your attraction to women who look masculine. (You don't need to tell her that.) What you do need to tell your mom is how happy you are with the person you are. That's what parents need to hear. Inform her there's nothing wrong with liking the pixie-ish woman with a cap of hair like Halle Berry's. It's just a different style taste. Then answer the hidden question she's dying to ask: "Is dating mannish-looking women a step towards homosexuality for you?" When she hears a firm "No!" she may relax.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition October 14, 2011 D3

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