Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Here's three ways to deal with cheating husband

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just found out my husband is seeing a man for sex on the down low. I'm six months pregnant, and have two other kids. He pretends he's straight to everyone including me, but he sees one man for sure, for sex -- because he called me and left me an anonymous message. I was sickened by the intimate knowledge he had of my man's body. I have no education, no training, and I've got three months to go until my baby comes. I can't manage on my own at this point, as I'm not well with this pregnancy. How can I tell my husband that he has to start using a condom each and every time now? He's got a bad temper and I don't know how to say I could get AIDS from his male partner and not start World War 3.

-- Crying All The Time, Winnipeg

Dear Crying: You poor thing! Look, you need some solid alternatives, so here they are: 1) If you want to leave your husband, see a lawyer your husband doesn't use, or call Manitoba Legal Aid for free legal counsel. Work out how to best to leave the marriage for a decent settlement, plus support. Ask your family for their help and support, and tell them the whole truth, about the risk to your life 2) If you decide to stay with him, you must let him know he's outed sexually. But, don't trust him if he says he'll quit seeing men. You'll need testing for both of you and a condom each and every time you have sex with your husband, forever. This is very risky, but it's your decision. 3) Haven't the courage to say anything yet? Since he's fooling you, fool him back to save your life. Tell him you found out you have to be off sex until the baby is born, or you could lose this child. Since you can't have sex right after a baby is born, you have a total of four or five months to get your life re-organized and still be supported properly until that time. Even with support, women usually end up paying 80 per cent or more of the children's costs. Look into social assistance, call former bosses about work in the new year, and investigate ways to earn a living from home once you have your energy back.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to the person who wrote about people not washing their hands and/or not using soap. A) not all soap actually kills germs -- the friction of rubbing one's hands together is almost enough; B) some people are very allergic to soap, especially soap in public washrooms, which is often extremely scented. If I forget my unscented hand sanitizer, I skip soap and rub my hands vigorously under very, very hot water. This person should stop jumping to immediate conclusions about hand washing without soap, especially with the prevalence of allergies in our society!

-- Seriously Allergic, But Still Clean, Winnipeg

Dear Allergic: Thanks for the explanation. If we take off the germy bathroom doors around the city, as some people are suggesting, we may be watching people like you standing at the sink! Seriously, you should know some restaurants are planning to put in L-shaped screens or walls to be able to remove the doors and still give people their privacy. P.S. Some folks are confessing to flushing the toilet with their feet now -- an extra reason to wash up diligently.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 27, 2009 D3

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