Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

His lack of sexual desire may hide many things

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I have been together for nine years. We have a nine-month-old son. My husband suffers from anxiety and minor depression and is taking a low dose of anti-depressant medication. I understand this may affect sexual desire, but he will not have sex with me (at all). I've tried everything to get his attention. I've lost all my baby weight and am an attractive woman. I ask him all the time if he's interested and he just puts it off or changes the subject. I'm sure he's faithful; he's too busy with work to have time to see someone else -- although he does have a history of lying. Please give me some advice on how to get my sex life back. -- Craving Sexual Attention, Winnipeg

Dear Craving: A history of lying about what -- other women perhaps, working late? How did his previous relationships end -- with affairs? Usually, if a man is happy to skip sex with his wife totally, he's already satisfied with another woman, or with porn or cybersex. Ask yourself: Is he "working late" but his car is not in the lot? Check! Does he mention a certain woman's name too often in an off-hand way? Have you done a search of tell-tale papers and receipts like credit cards? Is he in the computer room with the door locked -- possibly porn habit or cyber love? Does he secretly want out of the marriage and is freezing you out? If erectile dysfunction (ED) is his problem, has he been to the doctor for a checkup and tests?

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 20 and dating a man, 27. We've been together for a year, and are ready to move in together. The only problem is my over-protective parents. They refuse to let me move out of the house because they hold the old-fashioned belief that you should only live together if you're married. We would love to get married, and have suggested that to my parents, only to hear them tell me that I'm "way too young" to be getting married. I am a mature young woman, who has almost completed my university degree, and am also financially able to support myself. My boyfriend has completed a university degree, holds a full time job, and owns a house. I truly love and care about my parents and I am grateful everything they have done for me, and that is the reason I cannot just move out and leave without their blessing. -- Wants to Move Out Already, Winnipeg

Dear Wants: There's a case to be made for young people living together instead of marrying because a lot of times you find out you can't stand living with the person after a number of months or a year together. Twenty is a bit young to make up your mind about any guy as your taste in men will often change between 20 and 30. Why not humour your protective parents for one more year and see if you and your guy are still together and happy?

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 4, 2011 D5

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